i think i just was awoken by the sound of my roommate choking on her boyfriend's dick
The only reason you're wearing underwear tonight is cause you have a family dinner before
she told me she was pregnant in a never have i ever game
I just watched Jersey Shore so I would know what rock bottom was when I reach it.
Apparently it costs $70 to clean vomit off the side of our apartment building.
Dude, Taco Bell gave me a free fiesta potatoes when I won a bet on wether I could fit the entire rim of a cup in my mouth.
Showed up 2 hours late and still drunk nobody gave me a high five. This intership is bullshit.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
I saw Nicolas Cage's face in the moon. Those were good shrooms.
I immediately regret the tequila decision.
2016 shall be rememered as the year I sharted while putting up the Christmas tree.
Pretty sure I was naked for most of the night.....success
Turns out dignity is priceless and Plan B costs $41.09
um care to explain the stolen chinchila under greg's bed..i'd be fine with it if it wasnt chewing up the stash
Randomize
