How fat would you say she has to be before I can consider this a threesome
in spanish class. the girl next to me asked what Galapagos were. i told her they were islands. now she thinks Galapagos means islands in spanish
I don't want to talk about her cat for two hours only to dry hump till I'm blistered. Not worth it.
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
A beer fell out of the case, hit the ground and started spraying. He's a pro. He grabbed it and shotgunned it while still holding the case.
my heaven will be filled with hot naked men covered in chick-fil-a sauce and me wearing a bib
"it's Wednesday" isn't a good enough excuse to take my debit card and use it for your own drunken needs. You owe me 250 bro
I mean it was his birthday. How was I supposed to tell him he could not wear a sombrero while we bang.
It's surprise blowjob week. You should be excited.
I'm gonna eat you out with that hat on so it looks like beaker's doing it. And I'm gonna go "memememememe"
okay the fridge is completely filled only with alcohol. Not even exaggerating. There is no food.
Sometimes I wonder if we're going to make it to 40.
I was told I sang Taylor Swift's entire discography in between violent bursts of green vomit before falling asleep in the bath tub
I AM AT THE LOUNGE WHERE THEY FILMED THE LAP DANCE IN SHOWGIRLS....IT IS AMAZING
I thought we were but then I freaked myself out. So I kind of geared him up for take off and then cancelled the launch
I ate so much cake that I can't even enjoy a blowjob
That's the most first world problem I've ever heard in my life.
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