My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Successfully pulled the houdini tonight. Check that off my list.
Brickbreaker makes my post drinking poops that much better. Sorry, I had to tell someone who might agree.
my brother is a facebook fan of two things: God, and Rhianna. if he's not a prime example of the rare "baptist closeted gay," i don't know who is.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
I'm eating lunch next to a table of beautiful culturally-diverse women chattering away happily. It's like sitting next to a Yaz commercial.
Just interrupted a freshman tour to ask where the sexual health center is. Figured I'd just give us all what we were really looking for.
Tis the season to puke in grandma's bathroom
Also I think my taxi driver may have just died and we just happen to be on a 35 mph cruise control on 395...
I'm pretty stoned, and for a second I forgot that I'm not actually Barbie and I was getting excited about all the fun we were going to have on my jet.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Tomorrow is my favorite texting day of the year... It's where I send every guy I've had sex with this past year a text saying "happy not a Father's Day" and we laugh and I get so much dick it's wonderful.
How did you end up breaking into that laundromat at 3am? I saw the snapchat but like..... How?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Pretty sure that I just proved those labels that say "non-flammable" wrong. totally unrelated, We just made your futon fly with a shitload of fireworks
well at least you got laid last nighT. I woke up on a pile of laundry
college girl with braces trying to flirt with you...time to go
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