She is totes cute on her twitter. Which totally sounds like a euphemism for coot.
My vagina smells like strawberry tangerine twist.
I just noticed that my shirt smells like coffee after eating out a Barista
She uses my penis to point at the tv when we talk about the shows. I love her
Did you bedazzle the elevator?
Hey, just wanted to let you know that University Police stopped by and repossessed the stolen laundry basket. And the 8 bottles of detergent.
You never cared about felonies while buying me alcohol from the little Asian woman across the street
I'm reliable. I always make it home. I always throw up in the street too.
Our house rule in beer pong, is that if you get the ball in the bitch cup.... you have to snapchat your balls to everyone on your friends list.
Before we have sex for the first time I would like "eye of the tiger" to be playing to mentally prepare me for what I'm about to endure.
Pretty much all i've had today is sugar and orgasms
I'm not the type to go to a guys house...in your case his boat...and sleep with them..I mean I have in the past but I'm trying to be more serious and grown up
Dont be alarmed when you come homeand see a guy handcuffed to your bed. His name is james. Ill uncuff him when I get home
he just asked me that if he was a penguin and I was a penguin if I would fuck him
im going to smoke a cigarette and reflect on my life choices
Randomize
