sitting in an airport in detroit. just saw a commercial for detroit tourism with kid rock as a spokesman. reason # 1458 to never visit this city.
just masturbated through my pocket at the library. hope you're enjoying your saturday night out.
On my way to the DMV to get arrested
So to distract myself from jackies vomiting, im making up a story in my head. It's called the little penis that could
Or stump rather since he's possibly large. Large penises don't have tips, just blunt ends of battering rams.
I'm getting turned down for sex. Apparently my "sexual appetite" cannot be satiated even by a man who's such a deviant he went to prison for jerking off in his car.
You were peeing on a bus yelling fuck public transit, congratulations.
I literally just smashed open my grade school piggy bank for beer money. Goodbye childhood. Hellllllo coin night.
Got cut off last night cuz this chick had her hands down my shorts and was blatantly playing with my dick while I was trying to order. apparently that's "frowned upon"
I'm sorry I never said I wasn't coming home last night. To my defense I did type and send a text, only I was too drunk to realize I sent it to the guy I was with instead of you.
He was nothing but deer-caught-in-headlight eyes and dick, it was adorable
Monday afternoon and I'm still hungover from Valentine's Day. I think I'm winning at the single life.
In her defense, she didn't know I had a twin brother. Plus, we're even: I banged her sister.
i had fun fun last night, with the exception of you running over my foot with your car. makes a great story for my first one night stand.
Man, I miss taking bong rips in my room. Now they are bringing dogs around so all my stuff is hidden in random places up in the woods. I literaly have to hunt and gather just to get high.
Randomize
