Were we dating when my roommates and I had the 'everyone gets laid' part?
Ya
I used to kick so much ass
I don't believe in a God but I'm almost positive I just shit out the devil.
WOAH SHIT! That wasn't my girlfriend last night.
I've decided that life's journeys are more fun when your moral compass hangs in front of you and swings with each step
For future reference, the words 'big' and 'problem' should be used sparingly with a person whom you have recently had copious amounts of unprotected sex
you kept telling everyone how your ninja turtle shell also functioned as a backpack
Last I remember we played rock paper scissors for who would fuck the guy with cowboy boots on and I won..
Just walk up to him nice, spread your legs like smooth peanut butter on toast and scream "LOOK AT MY BEAVER! LOOK AT IT!!"
do u know what happened to the bottles last night?
apparently we hid them.... i google mapped the location into my phone
Yeah its great. Whenever we want a new bowl we hand it to Trevor and he clears it in one hit. Definitely one of the benefits to having a swimmer in your circle.
MY WHOLE FAMLY IS TALKING ABOUT MY BUTT
WAIT I'M COMING I WANT TO TALK ABOUT IT TOO
His front door was open but I INSISTED on army crawling FOOT FIRST under the garage door. Then I peed the bed.
.......he just venmo charged me for the burrito I was eating while he broke up with me
I fear our relationship is coming to an end. Last night I felt the need to bloody apologise for waking him up with a blow job.
Ughh I think I'll just sit here in the dark and wallow in self-pity while drinking wine and knitting scarves for my future cats.
Randomize
