whatcha mean you cant get rid of genital warts? thats not what my girlfriend says
it was great that she threw up because that made me the only one trying to hook up with her
he took off my shirt and said 'oh my god the legends are true'
Is it physically possible to shit out my own bone marrow? Because if not, then I need to see a doctor immediately.
He woke me up at 4am just to lick my nipple. Then he talked in his sleep for 20 minutes about the sex we just had. I think it's safe to say he's a weird one, but I dont care cuz he fucks like a champ.
I just had to download an app to edit pictures on my new phone. The things I do for sexting...
I pretty much just threw a bunch of clothes and my vodka in a bag..idk where I'm gonna end up tonight but I'm prepared.
Some guy wearing a horse mask just knocked on my door and started whinnying. I opened the door and he was like, "...oh sorry, wrong room..." so awk.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
i went to the 24h massage place last night and brought down the price for a hand job from $50 to $12.75 and half the big mac left in my bag.
Sorry about coming to the pool in only a thong. I thought you said it was closed. Not that you were teaching a group of kids how to swim.
Note to self:A blacklight toga party at a frat house is a bad idea. Some things cannot be unseen
Just laying in bed, snuggling my cat, and pondering whether I'd like to attend a swingers party this evening...
you found yr lighter in yr cleavage and said so that's where you've been all my life
Im not as flexible as I once was, but I still managed to get eaten out in the front seat of a hummer behind keddies.
Randomize
