i dont nkow, theres a guy slesping next to me and im wearing 8 tsthirts? wtf happened last night? will you come get me.
i think im in thre room next to you
Reflecting on last night, I'm not sure if making out with a 43 y/o married woman at Bernie's after the Cubs game was my best life decision...
What's the point of having 3 fuck buddies when their periods all seem to sync up
i'm moving back early just in case the freshmen need a tour of the school
oh right the one that ends on your bed
I'd like to personally thank you for not letting anyone puke in any of the salad bowls this time
the sad thing is, im pretty sure she was serious about giving me head for my falafel
we were canoeing in the lake and i asked if he was too drunk for this, and he said "don't worry about it, i'm half native american"
So I'm thinking next semester you should be my own personal maid, nurse, masseuse and chef in exchange for free lodging, any food you can find, and unlimited access to my reproductive organs.
I got a message from the hook up gods today that it's time to move on. It came in the form of me being shoved in a closet naked and stuck in there for 30 min well he watched boy meets world with his brother.
Omg one side of my Labia is asleep. Has that ever happened to you?
BTW he text me to text him later after the concert to hang out. Im prepping my bed but I should know I shouldn't count my dicks before they hatch
I've orgasmed so many times tonight I think I've become enlightened
My girlfriend is talking to my ex-boyfriend at the bar right now. I REPEAT, GIRLFRIEND IS TALKING TO EX BOYFRIEND RIGHT NOW. GET ME THE FUCK OUT OF THIS PLAACE
All im saying is that my face might fall off.
Did your grand seduction include learning to play careless whisper on a kazoo or was that just a hobby
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