he spent the whole night trying to convince me into a2m. i won't even use the pb til i clean the jelly knife. i love him but it's not going to happen.
How am I supposed to spread my seed with you "modern women" and your birth control?
I'm driving in the middle of nowhere, and I just saw a stuffed Barney hanging from a noose on a tree. Maybe I should turn around.
there is a dude in the bar with no arms getting fed beers by his friends
i need to find a notary that isn't going to turn me in for blatantly lying to the us and chilean governments
I think their strategy was based on people bein at a beach, seein a rainbow, and havin an orgasm at the same time.
So on how many levels of wrong is it that I'm reconsidering my divorce simply because I don't want to go through getting used to shitting around someone again.
My last two google searches are "shiny things" and "Ohio consent laws." you should visit more often.
Jesus these cramps...it's like every potential fetus I swallowed last night is personally punching me in the uterus
Both of our knuckles were split open this morning when I came out of the blackout, the column on the porch has two new cracks in it, were like the redneck Super Smash Bros.
So what did you do since you didn't go out?
...ate chocolate and watched bring it on....it's like I don't even know what it would look like to be straight.
I absolutely love waking up to see my phone search history is "xj" "qj" "cj" "uj" and "kj"
Had a dick customer and the words "eat my ass" slipped out. He proceeded to lick his lips and say present it. I think it's time I quit.
I had to ask my mom to look for my kegle ball...
Why the fuck is Ian Naked eating string cheese in my guest bedroom?
Randomize
