your head's too prwtty to be stuck in the books
my house keeper must think I'm a prostitute.
You can tell alot about a person by their poo.. For example, he was a smoker.
Literally getting boned by my flask right now. I didn't really think about this whole sneaking past security in a skin tight dress.
What happened on tuesday that a stripper knows my full name?
I was literally just a half conscious dildo.
I want a picture of impoverished children wearing Oregon national champions shirts.
Yes, I feel sorry for the tribe that gets those. They won't be able to hide from the lions.
He grabbed every salt shaker in the apartment and we haven't seen him since. He really really doesn't want to shovel snow anymore.
It's a self-perpetuating puke chain.
Serious question: Should I volunteer to get tazered? My instincts say no but my wild side says yes.
Ryan friended me on LinkedIn and it took everything in my power not to endorse him for sexual dysfunction as a skill.
Well yeah. Plus. My dick looks awful. So I would need to do some extreme makeover dick edition before even starting something so ridiculous.
My ex is having a baby and I'm over here planning my dogs birthday celebration...
When is the party?
That went from 0 to lesbian orgy much faster than expected...
He said it was the classiest hand job he ever had because my nails were painted red. We need to go to nicer bars from now on.
Randomize
