I knew I had to get an abortion when his toddler sister came up to hug my leg and I kicked her off saying, "Get off, fucker."
This girls a $30 bar tab from being bi
I feel eeeverything like there's a rhythm and everything can be felt w/o ever touching it. And it's beautiful. Sunshine or raindrops it's like orgasming. Everything has a taste.
found scuba porn. totally not sexy. life continues to disappoint.
Do you think you can get drunk by standing in a tank of vodka if it is seeping into your skin?
You are such a cockblock sometimes
You NEED a cockblock sometimes
Hey remember that night when you sang Fergie to me? I think that's the exact moment in time when the thought "I could be faithful to this man" came into serious consideration.
I did a hand stand against the glass wall at Ziggy's with no panties on and got 3 phone numbers. Thank God I shaved this morning...
I'd apply for another job, but "staring out windows crying" is not a hot qualification right now.
Speeding home on my break at work because I forgot to grab my Percocets that I have because getting through work sober's too hard
He whispered "Are you feeling it now Mr. Krabs?" when he was inside me. That is NOT my fetish.
I went to an 8am hookup in another guys sweatpants. Who is the really player here?
I hooked up with the sexiest couple in the LAX BATHROOM IN THE CHANGING FAMILY ROOM HAHAHAHAHAHAHAHAA
Just deepthroated a hot dog. Thinking of you
so it turns out that when you ride the subway drunk at 5 am you wake up with a sailor in your bed
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