Just woke up in bed, AC on high, with a fresh pack of smokes, an unopened pint of vodka, and a bag w a beef patty w cheese in it. I think my roommate's like the toothfairy or something. Or that was way more Xanax than I needed.
separated laundry into 'got laid' and 'didn't get laid' piles.
Please stop bringing your one night stands to Sunday brunch.
After walking in on us in the living room, he still insisted that he slept in my bed with me afterwards.
Hundreds of bug bites..Dad jokingly says "looks like you passed out naked in the woods somewhere"
Dude, all I remember was you grabbing random girls, yelling "It's a rap video!" and pouring high-life on them.
Haha. Last winter I went through this phase where id go to the bars with my own giant goblet and demand to be served white wine and red bull hah
He stopped in the middle of having sex to ask me what shampoo I use. Apparently my hair smelled good
I'll text you later. I think she thinks we're taking this whole "no sex" thing seriously.
Someone came into our hotel room and took our remote
What should I do?
Betting for two different teams with two different guys is the best. Time to get $100 by one guy and laid by the other!
a homeless man let us know that my friend was asleep in the bushes outside my house on main street. So just a small get together.
Well now you know not to take drugs from your friends. Take it from stangers. They're more reliable.
the cops drove by and you were on your back in the middle of the side walk with your arms and legs in the air yelling that you were a dead bug .
Are you telling me right now that the weed man sexted you?
THE WEED MAN SEXTED ME!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!
Randomize
