im never drinking mad dog again and i have your belt.
he borrowed my computer and saw his name in my recent google searches. Things got awkward real fast.
I'm like connect-the-dots of drunk. Whiskey, bourbon, vodka, rum, gin. The hidden picture is me faceplanting.
Just bought a handle of vodka with the excuse of "just in case we drink tonight"
I just had sex in a cardigan. Made me feel old. Smarter somehow, but old.
They just caught the deck on fire and I ran out with cups off the beer pong table filled with water from the toilet. It was the closest water source.
Dude. Get me out of here. I'm surrounded by glitter-faced 40 year olds in halter tops. The desperation here is so thick you can taste it.
My black heart of coal cannot compete with your boiling crock pot of teddy bears, rainbows, 90s music, and the good candy you get from rich people on Halloween.
But how will the next generation learn about life choices without a Jersery Shore?
The worst part about being a grammar Nazi is all the porn I skip over because the titles are misspelled
It's days like today, when my bra and underwear match, that make me feel like I'm getting my life together...
I never thought I could be this turned on by a man wearing racoon tails.
You're a mystery wrapped in an enigma wrapped in a redhead
Puking out the window is really hard when you're the one driving.
I climbed on the arm of the futon, flapping my hand fan frantically and hissing imprecations at the smoke detector
Randomize
