Dude I just witnessed a midget touching himself and singing the chorus to somebodys watching me by michael jackson... it kinda turned me on
i am fully taking advantage of taking advantage of him
The nurse told me they're using the same medicine that killed michael jackson.
when she started singing "you look better when im drunk" to my cat i realized it was time to take her home
Please check on her. She announced that Thursday she'd open herself to any veteran so as to thank them for their service. "my services for your service" and left the bar with three numbers.
i go for whatevers easier....i'm bisexual strictly due to the convenience factor
Thank you for getting us into that car accident. I have had more guys hit on me than ever before because of my broken fingers.
This teachers last name is pfister and she did the fisting motion to help explain how to pronounce her name. This class might be good
He fell backwards into a full bathtub but didn't spill a single drop of the beer in his hand. What a pro.
just passed the gas station where we took pregnancy tests. memories.
I WANNA SUCK HIS DICK ON A BOAT
Memeber that time you got detained in Poland. We don’t talk about that enough
You sent me a very drunk love letter
Was it the one about pterodactyls?
I was disappointed I thought you actually loved me
i think if a sober person was watching us they would have not thought we were witty
Had to claim I'd "gone lesbian" to get my cat back. Thank God I got away from that one.
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