I just overhead some girl saying that she's trying out for the real world so she has a backup if she doesn't get into teach for america...
Based on her brazillian stubble I would guess her plan had been to wait one more date before sleeping with me. Seems the plan was flexible.
You were high and telling me you felt like Pinocchio and that fire was bad for wood.
I'm fucked up. I can't drink anymore. We stole a cat.
I baptized my dog in my pool last night because he snapped at my party guests, how was your night?
Jesus just hopped over the fence with a rack of coors. How's your Halloween?
I woke up naked wrapped in my roommate's towel with one leg shaved and money thrown all over the room. Happy 21st birthday.
I always "accidentally" drop a condom and make sure she sees it's a magnum. By the time I'm inside her and she realizes how small I am, it's all over in a flash and I'm done. Plus, they never call back so I never have to see the girl ever again. #gratefulforprematuretinypenis
This is going to be the time I got green body paint on Chris' ceiling all over again...
These people don't understand my stages of drunk
Can we go one day without you telling me that your dick misses me
Damn you are the highwater mark of the naked women in my life. Like idk what lined up but yeah.
But what if there are 6 people and they end up just pairing the off into 3 couples. Is it still an orgy?
Get here now. I need a drinking buddy. I don't care if you're in a different timezone, it'll be five o clock here faster.
The cl.oudds are foaming a really big pen.Is OMG.
Randomize
