hey, can i borrow that thing you never use?
what?
your penis
I was pretty stoned. I thought I needed a seatbelt at the restaurant.
just saw a girl come out of the tanning bed room on crutches, now thats determination
My valentine's day: watching The Notebook, and porn, eating chocolate, and ice cream. All while jacking off.
Wow... you've managed to cover all of the sad girl stereotypes that exist.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
she's telling me all about the love triangles of her sims. you tell me how it's going.
Two words Indian burn...
What did she think it was, a shake weight?
Got him to take a shot from the drip pan on the George Forman. He's gone now.
His daughter is our waitress. I left her a ten dollar 'I'm sorry I'm a whore and fucked your dad' tip...
No. I think its because I really and truly know that he is a moron and his future prospects are zoo animals.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
I NEED YOU HERE TO KNOCK THE MALT BEVERAGES OUT OF MY MOUTH
You were so calm and collected as you strolled out the door with 40 mcdonalds cups in your arms. It was legendary.
I offered to lick your vagina while wearing a suit... Pretty sure chivalry is well alive.
A drawer in my room has nothing but a large feather quill, a wine glass, and a 15" Bowie knife. If you could put my life in a drawer I think that would be it.
i just found my fake in the snow. LIFE IS AWESOME
so let me get this straight you just stared at his boner all night?
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