My life would be so much easier if i could just ride around in the cash cab all day
threw up during christmas carols. the audience at the church seemed to immediately know i was a college student
Fat spanish girl grinding against air conditioner. ive seen everything now
There is too much vodka and too much dick.
its a nice change of pace not blacking out and actually remembering getting laid
It's gonna be pretty hard to find a homeless person that takes crackers as currency.
He got arrested in front of the church last night. Looks like we need to find a new location for the wedding.
Dude, I went home and roller-bladed into her bedroom so I didn't have a 'walk' or shame in the morning..I wouldn't talk to her unless she refereed to me as Brink
I'm mentally preparing my vagina for this semester. It's fucking welcome week. I'm going to be talking to her all night.
I don't want to be with anyone who doesn't accept me for who I am. eating cheeseburgers in bed is my favorite activity.
I just want to have sex and eat oreos. and then take body shots. like everyday.
I hope you have irresponsible drunk insurance because you're about to pay a deductible
My nerves will need dicks later so.. I'll call you
tinder day one and i already had more guys message me about "the girl with the big tits in my second picture" than about me. MY 17 YEAR OLD SISTER CAN GET LAID WITHOUT EVEN HAVING TO MAKING A PROFILE
to be fair she does have a great rack
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
