My head feels like little people r playing bumper cars inside it
Youll never guess who has to go to fucking planned parenthood because trojan cant make a fucking condom
You're a big dope. Life is about fighting for what you want, not accepting what you hate.
Why does tequilla always make you text me?
Just for future reference: milk is NOT a good mixer no matter how drunk you are.
We made out while a LIT cigarette dangled out of the side of his mouth. Disturbing or slightly erotic?
Late night whataburger runs are great, except if you're the one that gets left black out drunk puking in the backyard drinking from the water hose
Shit dude that sort of wholesale destruction can't just be done at the drop of a hat
My dad is so drunk he attempted to ride my two year old cousin's tricycle. For a solid five minutes.
My new dealer was watching Space Jam and eating ham off a frisbee when I went over. He's my new favorite person
I tore the muscle in my left calf at the gym and still spent all evening in heels. UNSTOPPABLE!
Sexting Captain while emailing my eharmony match about my low key weekend is hard.
Is posting a pic on insta of my previously dyed blue pubes socially acceptable?
You've created a tinder dominating monster.
If a guy makes a dick joke within 24 hrs of matching am I just setting myself up for disaster if I say yes to a date lol
kind of bad when u call a cop an asshole for driving you home from the bar
Randomize
