Wow, this guy is harder to get rid of than gum in pubic hair
Its Shannon Doherty lazy not Forest Whittaker lazy
Meh. I'll learn enough German to ask her for a handjob, then I'm out
You never cease to amaze me.
He kept referring to his penis a his "love gun"
bottle of wine in one hand cigar in the other. 5 am. topless on our fire escape. and she cleaned our bathroom... i like his new girlfriend.
Found out that no one else got Christmas bonuses...and you said nothing good could come from sleeping with my boss.
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
Oh yes. Made out with a grandmother..... she had fake boobs and it was 330am. That makes it okay.
Mardi gras at its finest.
i just want to attach a dildo to the ceiling and ride it like a gay spiderman.
I seriously just drove by a man walking down the street wearing hospital scrubs, an 80s track jacket, gold necklace and carrying a flute.
When you left the bar, you did two cartwheels and a heel click and RAN ALL THE WAY HOME.
He told me that if he broke my bed my bed durring sex he would take me to ikea, but only on Monday because it's all you can eat meatballs. I think I'm in love.
i feel like a cleansing fire is the only way to purify the house
If a weird guy texts you in the near future asking if you are satan just go with it
I NEED HELP. IM TRIPPIN BAWLS IN THE BACK OF MY MOMS CAR.
Randomize
