Text. Mid BJ. 8 points.
Is my tampon string too long for this dress?
Nope it's him. He's whispering to himself and buying asparagus.
tell that swedish kid i didnt take his shotgun. he GAVE it to me.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
Stephen I'm in a lecture and the lecturer just said 'you can CHOOSE to put something in your mouth and swallow it" i'm the only one here who burst out laughing, this is awkward. Thought you'd appreciate it.
They'll never let you practice medicine.
You should be glad you didn't come with last night. I watched pirate porn for the first time in my life as the 9th wheel.
The plane down was full of newly weds and I counted 5 pairs of mile high club members. Actually, one might have been a group membership discount.
When the sex is so good, you need three fans and have to chug a gallon of water after
So how do you explain to your boss that Siri called him mid sex?
I drank so much that my feet don't feel like my feet
If you send me one more .gif of that fumble, I will make the 10 hour drive just to set you on fire.
So last night, I bought mother's day cards and the Plan B pill.
while giving me head, she stopped, looked up at me smiling and said "ill never be able to look at bananas the same way again" and then went back to work.
Can I say it was a great night out of town? Fucking my co-worker in the hotel bed while my best friend is fucking his friend on the floor and a random guy is laying in the other bed meanwhile we are all passing a joint back and forth
Randomize
