I can't remember if we talked about feelings. Fuck you Miller High Life.
I looked at him all bewildered and he said, "what? I figured if it was under 30 seconds it'd be free."
Feels weird sitting between two guys who've had their heads between my legs in a 24 hour span.
Instead of centeral air we are getting a margaritaville machine. Thought you would enjoy our logic
Apparently "he pulled out..mostly" is not a valid reason for thinking there's no way i can be pregnant to the nurses at the student health center.
i just added no after every hockey player in my phone..
WHY DO YOU ALWAYS PUT THE PLUG IN THE SINK BEFORE YOU PUKE IN IT
the question is "speedos?" and the answer is "yes".
I kind of feel like BP. I'm dressed in green and absolutely horrible for the environment.
well i mean she can't stop a weed based friendship...its like a trying to stop a bomb or a really fast train...
My ex's psycho new girlfriend found my vibrator I forgot at his place. Apparently she didn't find it as funny as I did. 😂
I just got yelled at by a stripper for being a tease.
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
Last night I drank three beers and threw up in a tree house. I am ashamed.
It's a shame I've been hooking up with him for 6 months and he still doesn't know my real name.
Randomize
