My birthing hips are way to big to be around all these juveniles.
Eating hibachi. The chef is squirting sake into my mouth with a ketchup bottle. Happened twice, more to come.
After that we used the in-room hotel coffee pot to warm up some queso. it was brilliant
On my way home from Vegas. Just realized my pants are inside out
when did my "fat clothes" just become my clothes...diet starts tomorrow
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
Also since my birthday I've on average fucked a new guy every 12.5 days. I'm doing an excel spreadsheet
Can I get a "hallelujah" for railing my pastors daughter last night?
She asked the woman in the drive through to cover everything she ordered in mayonnaise, including here chilli cheese fries. Didn't happen. Then she started swerving at the car next to us screaming, asking if they had mayonnaise.
No, no, we have to calibrate. What is the maximum amount of trouble we can get into without going to jail?
I was jumping over your garbage can screaming "Im a snow cat!!" ..Who wouldn't want to see that?
Dave is getting a lap dance to the venga boys
this is not a drill
Just escaped from the ER. Meet me at the bar in 20 minutes.
i cant believe the cop was fine with you saying no we are in a hurry when he asked to search your car
NO NINJA FIGHTING AT THE GAS STATION
Randomize
