Last night I broke through a door, was hospitialized, arrested, and threw my shoe at a bouncer. This summer is gonna be fuckin sick.
Angelique from Rock of Love is now doing phone sex commercials for central illinois....id say she's going places.
We did a shot for each one. Father... son... and holy ghost. That wasn't enough though so we moved on to toasting dead relatives.
she demanded that I make her breakfast too so im in the bathroom cooking bacon with her straightener
in the middle of giving him head in the backseat of my car he taps me on the shoulder, opens the door, throws up three times and then proceeds to tell me how amazing i am.
Found out why I didn't have to go drug test. My boss grew pot to pay for grad school.
I knew I fucked up when I woke up with the meat scissors in my hand.
This honesty session brought to you by jagermeister inc.
So was I the only one that was competing in the whale hunt?
Did you really lure me out of the bar with a blond holding a dunkin donuts bag? Well played sir, well played.
i was really disappointed no one would drink beer from our cleavage last night except for us
I just started talking about my sextoy because I wanted things to be normal again.
If this nail lady pinches my achilles one more time im kicking her directly in her bedazzled boobs
We had sex on the bear rug. He said "you, me and the bear. This is bear-idise"
I am still worried she'll have a seizure durring. What would I do? Try to ride it out and finish, or pull out and assist?
Randomize
