Turns out I'm a social drinker... I just happen to be REALLY social.
i looked at dads computer and apparently he was looking at job ads on craigslist and the only one clicked that turned purple said "GET PAID TO MASTURBATE"
We're official. Living with your boyfriend sounds so much better than fucking your roommate.
after we had sex he went grocery shopping. at 6 am. i've never been more confused in my life
I didn't even realize you were getting that drunk until bam!
is bam when I fell down the stairs or when I threw up standing at the bar?
I would like to apologize for asking to take advantage of you, wishing you a horny Hanukkah and whatever "abd ethw prnym to mzbe yur penis cna be friends" means.
No. My vagina is not the scapegoat for your poor decisions.
I am definitely the only sober one on this train. And the only one not wearing a business suit. Wow, Monday Korea.
I was woken up at 4am by a stranger shaking my foot who said I looked like I needed a cigarette.
Bobbing for jello shots in a bucket of long island. Fast track to alcohol poisoning.
But seriously. What possible excuse could I come up with to ditch my parents on Christmas to go fuck him?
It's 5am and I have yet to fall asleep. At what point do we just accept that I run on vodka?
Sorry about my sloppy drunk texts. I'm not sure talking about banging a near dead Jimmy Stewart was my finest moment
She's in it for that fear factor ya'll. Obsession and stalking or nothing.
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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