I just put out an orange level terrorist threat on her punani
the truckdriver in the lane next to me just looked down and motorboated in my direction.
oh vodka. i could write you a sonnet.
Is it bad that I voted for Scott Brown because I want to fuck him?
Nah. I did too.
Getting pregnant off pre-cum is like getting high off erasers
they're mlb prospects.. of course i'm gonna bang one of them.
Home. Hour long discussion with mom. Very frightened. Eating a sausage. Don't remember making it. Confused.
he tried to give me his business card but gave me his health insurance card then realized it and offered to take me to the strip club
We went to IKEA super baked wearing fake mustaches. You?
Nothing says "welcome to Denver" like a hot 18 year old giving you directions to the dispensary and ending up blowing you in the backseat
Dude. My knees have no hair on them and they're bruised. My thigh is killing me. I have about 1000 texts to about 5 exes which I horribly regret. I have pictures of my own penis on my phone. I can't find my iPad. And I have work in an hour.
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
And I'm sorry for punching you in the face when I drunkenly threw my sandwich
Howd it go?
Well we had the "no we're not fucking on the porch" conversation but then we totally fucked on the porch. So I'd say alright.
That would involve putting on clothes and I don't think I can face that right now.
Randomize
