When you come back do you think I could print anorexic pictures of Mary-Kate?
Dude I totally just watched a girl put a tampon soaked in vodka up her vag
I need new friends
Dude she let me cum on her face
You have the wrong number I'm the she who let you cum on her face unless some other girl has let you since this morning
Oh, and thanks to you. I'm now stuck in the living room, held hostage, listening to my roommate's "How I discovered I was bi" story. FUCK YOU.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
The fact that he is from Canada is way more embarrassing than the fact that you met him on match.com
Just so you know, you're MY booty call. Feel degraded.
The dumpster is full of naked people swimming. I'm going to join.
we somehow managed to fit a llama, a stripper pole and a hayride all into the same day.
I learned so much about myself in that shower.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
It was his birthday this weekend. I had to carry him 6 blocks, in 3 inch heels. The entire time he was trying to molest me, eat my face, and try to stop every two feet to tie his shoe. He would light a cigarette, forget about it, almost burn everyone, throw it out, then decide he wanted to smoke. He kept repeating that he trusts me with his life.
...Wow...
I could be a kindergarten teacher
If I ever go to Canada, I'm fucking the maple syrup out of his Canadian ass.
I have a 30 minute video visit blind date tonight with a guy in prison. And it's costing me $9. ROCK... BOTTOM...
You were drunkenly dancing with a statue you affectionately referred to as "The Captain." I wasn't going to deny your happiness.
DID YOU OR DID YOU NOT, PEE IN MY FUCKING TRASHCAN?!
I need to find a divorced guy with a boat and let my tits do the talking
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