I just took the soap out of the bathroom and hid it... this way I could see if she would say anything. you know, to see how clean she was
Dude let's go to Saudi Arabia. They outlawed valentine's day. And probably love.
then he compared my vagina to a dishwasher. A DISHWASHER?!
it was good sex until i became a rubber doll and he became a jack hammer, so i guess overall it was good
The only excuse this guy at the club had for trying to make out with me as soon as I met him was "I AM FROM MEXICOOO"
Just blowing bubbles with my nipple rings in my shower.
You always make things weird.
Fucked her on the patio while some dude drove by on a mower. He waved. Twice.
I asked her how many times she came and she said "Oh god I can't count that high, Rutgers doesn't teach us that."
HOLY SHIT. I JUST FOUND OUT THAT THE KARL/RORY BASEBALL FIGHT THAT RORY LOST WAS 2 YEARS AGO TODAY. RIP KARL'S DICK.
I swear to god....if you can give yourself a brazilian you can take a fucking bullet
Guy fieri is speaking only to me. We make eye contact. My whole body is vibrating. My head is purring. I am literally marbles.
Told him my main goal was to seduce the man and convince him to leave his wife for me. He didn't argue just asked me to let him know if I succeeded so he didn't waste anymore time not sleeping with the secretary at his office. I have an incredible boyfriend.
are you drinking tonight?
I have an exam tomorrow
so yes.
Oh man. I threw up in the first cab. Got kicked out. Roamed somewhere for awhile. Fell asleep in the back if the second cab. Woke up in my underwear on the living room floor with a frozen pizza (thawed) laying next to me
If u could sum last night up in one word?
omgwtfpineapple
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