wait so...it's like an actual thing to masturbate using the detachable shower head? WTF I thought I was being creative!
We raised our shot glasses and you screamed out "TO MY DAD FINALLY GOING TO REHAB!"
Coming home soaking wet at three am and trying to convince the front desk man that we came from the library might have worked if I wasn't also roaring at everything.
I'm sorry to inform you but your friends with benefits card has expired has the beginning of the year. If you wish to renew your card you must submit a picture of a fully erect penis. Please note that not all request for a FWB card is accepted.
No amount of marijuana is enough to justify blood on my ceiling
Most awkward car ride ever. Kid in the front seat was bawling, 2 in the backseat were ready to fight, and I was giving the last kid a handie. This needs to stop happening to us.
You need to simmer down or I'm going to buy you a labia leash.
And now we should drink to that moment where you realize you didn't exactly think things through.
Hungover playing piano at a baptism I am the PICTURE of class I feel like I should be struck by lightning
You're either getting fucked or a coupon to Friendly's. I haven't decided yet.
I wasn't supposed to sleep w him. So of course I sent him gps location to my bed.
After 8 hours of circus trick sex, his parents are both hugging me and kissing me on the cheek asking when I'm coming back over. Score?
ill let you put your finger in a lot of things. but a ring is not one of them.
I have just discovered the land of milk and honey. and by milk i mean vodka and by honey i mean tequila.
i really didnt think i was that drunk last night but the txts from unknwn #s that say i like your lace panties are def telling me otherwise
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