Call me immediately, my only recent boy news involves me biting a dick.
I just threw up and a whole piece of spaghetti came out of my nose. I don't even remember eating spaghetti.
Just hide your weed in your baby brothers shirt. TSA wont check a baby, thats fucked up
Complete silence. Background Willy Wonka music. An empty back of Lay's BBQ chips. These are the ingredients for an extreme acid trip.
High enough to ask the woman at best buy if she ever feels like she's swimming. and telling the man outside that he smells like happy juice.
Weirdly I'm doing ok, but I've tested positive for chlamydia, I wanted to let you know
do you know how much drugs we can buy now that you got that raise at work
There is a 5-year old here fighting 'drunk monkeys'. He tried to knock a drink out of my hand with a plastic light saber...
Just had a heart to heart with my John Belushi poster.
either i huffed spraypaint or ate out that makeup artist. you decide.
Everything is covered in gelatin and pam cooking spray. Jesus be a shield.
you said, "the pool was totally tequila. and i left my shoe halfway across town. and by shoe i mean car" it appeared to me that you didn't have your shoes or car.
he was wearing pj pants, thank you for not letting me go home with him
I learned three things this morning. Don't get out of my car without my keys, don't let a girl paint my nail unless I'm getting laid by said girl, and lastly I learned how to break into my own car.
No instead we fucked in the elevator.. it was wrong on so many levels..
How tall was the building? Maybe it was only wrong on some of them
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