lol you are funny thanks bro I'll take you to a strip club
I don't wanna go to a strip club I'd rather get my boobs free or earn them from a series of good deeds
Ha! What's wrong with that? Hard work deserves compensation. I accept cash, checks, and boobies!
why cant girls ever use the fly? why do they always have to awkwardly try to pull it over your belt?
There is a good chance that the other night after a wedding reception i was at that i mailed you a drink coaster.
Wanna skype?
Can your lips gently and pleasantly suck on my balls via skype? If not, then no.
I am wearing two different shoes and just swallowed my gum. Wake the fuck up and bang the bartender already.
we played a my little pint drinking game. It was awesome.
Seriously, she had fingers that made me thank a god I don't even believe in that I'm gay.
I would sacrifice a finger for two more hours of sleep.
Just left a strip club where they let me on stage to teach them tricks. Time of my life!
look for me at the Giants game I will possibly be the drunk girl passed out by 2nd
My life is literally "I'm too horny you can't leave" or "let's have pie" there's like no inbetween
I went in for a high five.. He went in for a kiss.. Today is a good day
I feel you. I woke up butt naked on top of my sheets with a plate of cheese next to my bed...
A log hopped out of the fireplace and caught the carpet on fire. Good summary of this election if you ask me.
drinking vodka out of a wine glass to feel a little bit classier about myself.
Randomize
