why do married chicks ALWAYS cry after?
I am so high I am beginning to unironically like Vanessa Carlton.
Just shot my load on a stink bug. Thought you should know.
I just looked at my iPhone gps history... "the gas station", "the park with a big scary fence", "the trampoline", and, my favorite, "where we were when we were about to do lines off a bible".
So bad news they put a private property sign on the tiger.
Until they install cameras or armed security i'll ride the fuck out of that jungle cat.
when i was ordering pizza, the guy muffled the phone but i could clearly hear him say "its that drunk bitch again"
Swallowing. Like you said. Lions. Always.
Almost just got kicked out of a bar because the locals spilled beer everywhere when we taught them to shotgun.
He was all like, "I've prayed every single day just for one more night with you."
Omg just give him a quick handy and walk out.
I am 100% planning on being drunk on Wednesday. This is America. Work or no work.
I'm trying. I feel like we're trying to have sex with fruitcake. dry and boring.
I don't think this guy is worth it unless he's a skilled sexual amigo
my new years resolution to eat more toast and mastrubate more often is going well so far.
All she said to me before going to get another shot was "Damn, I'd eat her out."
He hit me up on Grindr and called me "bro." I just have to assume that the sex is going to be bad.
Randomize
