i just realized i've been trying to levitate the potatoe chip out of her hand for the past ten minutes. i think i smoked to much.
we were watching porn and trying to copy the position they were doing now i think my hip is dislocated
Why is there an empty beer bottle in the shower?
Why wouldn't there be.
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
i think the doormans mad at me
well we haven't pretended to pretend we were going to have a threesome with him for a while...
I found out you can't leave the bar with a drink. I also found out that pouring it on the bouncers shoes is also unacceptable.
Hey we met at the bar a week ago. Your friend gave me a rose and you asked about my nipples.
I'm going to try to be reasonable tonight and keep my drink count out of double digits
He's sweet and rough. A wonderful contradiction. He's the starburst of sex.
It's not a real holiday until someone pees on you. Did someone pee on you?
The 4th is next week. If we don't get to a new level of high, we will be letting down George Washington.
You should help rebuild my confidence with your dick. Altruism: Pass it on.
I may have just poured a honey apple beer onto a dried apple slice to rehydrate it. This is my day.
I feel like a drive thru vagina
Don't remember anything. Melissa just said I kept saying welcome to the bat cave
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