I had a fork in my beer hand and just stabbed my tongue.
New rule: no balls on the kitchen counter.
the whole time he was cumming, he did the joey lawrence WHOA. over and over. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA. WHOA.
I'm so covered in bruises. God dammit drunk me. We are a lady.
ya i guess you have to take things with a grain of salt in a place where nipple clamps are the norm..
Note for the future: whiskey syrup is AMAZING on 3am pancakes.
too late I already started a fight with someone named luscious
That dude with the beard walked up to me, turned my water into wine with everclear and kool-aid, and walked away. Pretty sure drunk Jesus is back.
I'm not sure what exactly you were planning, but you kept yelling that we were going to need a lot of midgets and a lawyer.
I sang Seal's Kiss From a Rose to my quesadilla
Realizing life ain't all about burritos and strippers, it's a struggle out there, and it ain't looking pretty so far,..
That was right around the time that the drunken mess pulled out his dick in front of myself and like 10 other people and started peeing all over the train platform while saying, "Sometimes a bear gets you brother. Sometimes a bear gets you."
Pretty standard Thursday night commute for you, no?
I'm eating cookie dough with a tongue depressor for lunch.
i walked into her house and she introduced me to her family. i dont think she understands the term booty call
If there's one thing I think I could really excel it, it's curating a midlife crisis
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