I just peed or puked all or around my parjibgb lot.
parking. I am not drunk
capt morgan doesn't hurt if you honestly believe it's golden flavored kool-aid.
how are pickles made is in the google history again... why do you always wonder that, and forget the answer?
whoever threw up in my shampooo bottle is totally getting defriended on facebook.
i tried to stop you. you just kept saying your split ends needed punishment.
I kept feeling my boobs..just to make sure they were still there.
Apparently 'she used to sleep with my brother' is not an acceptable answer to how do you know each other.
Oh I forgot to tell you that while you were in the bathroom last night I made friends with a gay man named Rodger from Venezuela and he kissed me cheek and told me I "knew how to shake my thing". From now on we go to the bathroom as a team.
Dude you're alone at a bar with a woman, and you're talking about my junk?
Remember when we used to share painkillers at parties? Now we're dealing in blood pressure pills. Oh, how the mighty have fallen.
That boy needs some memories to take back home with him
She told me she's into girls now. I told her there would be a full bottle of jäger and an empty bed here Friday.
He tried to tip me with his police badge...
and you didn't accept WHY?!
note to self: do not snort crushed up caffeine pills in the bathroom by yourself when ur super shit faced, ur face will fucking hate you in the morning.
I miss your drunken presence, and strong odor of hard liquor and potent weed.
If you fucking touch my phone and text people, drunk or sober, ever again, i will shove a swizle stick up your pee hole.
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