just saw a prosititute with a baby stroller...question is...if the baby wakes up is the blow job free?
Best walk of shame ever - Brown Hennesy shirt, bright blue overly large basketball shorts, stilettos from night before - ended up buying a ton of 40's and a 30 pack of coors.
Where are you?
A place I should not be.
Bonnaroo quote of the day: "why the fuck am i pregnant?!?!" - exclaimed loudly by random hippie.
She was wasted. Kept yelling "what if I'm pregnant" and trying to push me into the tree. First and last time I bring a girl to my family christmas party.
It smells like wine and fried chicken. Im confused and intrigued.
in case you havent found it already in honor of Toy story 3 we wrote ANDY on the bottom of your foot while you were passed out on the couch.
karaoke mosh pit has descended into fisticuffs, send backup
That kid who fell through your coffee table is here. In a toga.
He went THROUGH MY PHONE (he's 30 for God sake) then asked me why I was stringing along 12 guys... I told him he could have just asked me if I was banging other people and then saved himself from looking at pics of dicks bigger than his.
He showed up at my door at 3 AM wearing a Santa hat with a tiara attached.
Jailed a totally belligerent hot guy. That was probably my most thorough pat down. Ever.
THE PRUIS IN YOUR DRIVEWAY IS NOT YOURS
excuse me?
I accidentally borrowed your spare keys a while ago...i just tried them...that, my friend, is not your car.
Ok, now help me add to my topless picture collection, i'm going to make myself a calendar
So I ate half a jar of mayo because I thought it would cure a hangover. I thought wrong.
I dont even know what happened i just remember waking up with beer cans outlining my body...
Randomize
