remember when she hit me with her car by accident, well apparently it wasn't an accident.
so explain again why im purple
no
I just found a dead bug in my nose. if that's the worst thing up there im considdering myself lucky.
i just set an alarm for noon. fuck yes winter break.
i literally in my bathroom watching tv from across the hall while trying not to fall asleep with my dog keeping my feet warm. wednesday's shouldnt be like this
Do you think the Slutcracker will use the original score? I'll be so sad if they don't.
This just spotted: a bagpiping Elmo on the street.
This stranger told me I should "start playing for the other team" and then continued to talk to me about the joys of being a lesbian
I feel like we should build an island for girls that have committed atrocious numbers of unforgivable sins. We'll call it 'whore island' after the anchorman fashion.
friends are allowed to bang on New Years, I read it on the Internet somewhere.
I'm not trying to take your husband away from you, but can we have another 3way soon? I'm just desperate for good dick.
Listen here, Ms. "I'm Gonna Get Super Drunk and Run From My Friends Screaming That They Were Going to Drag Her to a Scientology Recruitment Camp"...
I'm officially disproving the fact that a hoe never gets cold bc this hoe is COLD.
I'm drinking on a Thursday because I can
Today is Wednesday you jobless drunk
I resent the implication of a jizz addiction
Randomize
