what is TOTES MCGOATS in spanish?
I just saw some girl with the liscense plate "OBVIII"...I never wanted to get in a car accident so badly.
i couldnt tell she was wearing a bumpit until she started giving me head
Thinking about bringing a vibrator to the tanning bed...kill two birds with one stone right?
Bathrooms are cool, I think Im just gonna hang out here for a bit.
the bouncer watched the girl drop her ID, saw me pick it up and say OMG SHE LOOKS LIKE ME, and then let me use it to get into the bar
There are 3 guys sitting in the elevator in lawn chairs wearing sunglasses and holding beers. the hallway rugs are stuffed in a trash can. i've never been so glad to be sober.
I NEVER left your party last night of anyone asks.
Yeah, I didn't wake up handcuffed to my bed either.
He was still there when I ran half naked into my suitemate's room where she was skyping her boyfriend and I started singing I JUST HAD SEEEEX
THIS CHICK IS LIKE SOME SORT OF HOOKER HOUDINI.
Did you clean his pubes up off the table yet?
I like how I just yelled in the window at Mcdonalds drive thru, got his number and then fucked. it was like I ordered a happy meal that only can be had after midnight.
It's taking every bit of my restraint not to go to the store and buy chips and cake and like steal someone's dog. PMS is so weird.
Question: have you ever spent your Tuesday evening helping your one-night-stand create a resume? Because I have...
How I know I've been single too long: I'm reveling in finding out my taken friends are being tragically dumped
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