I just remembered I gave a homeless man a ride to his bridge last night.
This girl is drinking wine and watching grey's anatomy in the library during finals week. I hate comm majors.
I crashed her parents' car cause she was giving me road head. Its probably best to just let them think I'm a bad driver.
I'm too hungover to be in a fucking cow suit right now
I feel like shaving is just admitting i'm gonna do him, even though im still on the fence
shave. it'll take 10 min. Better safe than hairy.
I just threw up blood. Also i just remembered i got hit in the face with a 2 by 4.
It felt like he was juggling my kidneys with the head of his penis... If you could even call it that, it was more like a lochness monster. Huge and mythical.
if I'm at school tomorrow just indulge my moment of pity and let me cry on your shoulder
I have their Unicorn picture in my shirt, and I just threw a Bud Light Platinum bottle through their window. We need to go now.
bad night - i tried for naughty librarian but could only manage to pull off pissed off barrista.
Yo plow her in the living room were all outside tommy wants to see
Well, that was my first dog walk of shame. Nothing says "I've got my life together" like an inside out shirt and a baggie full of dog shit.
I'm in his bed. I got up to puke. Im one eyeing it eating a hot dog bun. Wtf. This is my life
He fucked me in one of the back rooms at the club then gave me an altoid. I have mixed feelings about it still.
We always have to do something together that tests the human limits of the body. Hopefully it has at least a 75% death rate.
Randomize
