he's going on about how he's going to treat me right and wants to let himself be in love with me and spend a lot of time together. kids these days. like its not about sex anymore. i'm confused.
After 9 shots a girl with a mustache......still not attractive
I wasn't fucked. I was just drunk, because i was still able to walk into the woods and masterbate.
I just found $40 in the jeans I wore last night. PS I also found the jeans I wore last night.
she kept peeing on everything and yelling it was now her property.
i'm gonna need a rally to restore sobriety after this weekend...
Beware of calls from Dad. I just had a longer than I would care to admit convo about the ididarod. Apparently it starts tomorrow.
Ok that kid was ether gay or 12 with a beard.
I can't break up with him, I ran the math. Taking into account his 7 inch penis and the standard deviation from average, almost 90% of guys should have a smaller penis than he does.
Really? Penis math? This is why guys shouldn't date female engineers.
So is there some kind of punch card you and I get to use every time we fuck a chick with a cast?
I'm in a waiting room at the hospital - and there's a dude here who is WAY too proud of his urine sample.
I've found my spirit animal. I'm a Snapple bottle. If you take my top off I'll tell you a fact about science.
Our relationship needs a sober moment
I'll call you when that happens
Whats spookier? Halloween or waking up to a drunk text from your ex telling you how awesome you are at 2am
I just found a baklava I forgot I got last night so we can call it a day
Randomize
