I put the beer in my little red riding hood basket.
They're making scrambled eggs at 2 in the morning... with rum
i wanna give whoever invented massage chairs a blow job.
please just be careful, i just switched my facebook status to "in a relationship", i would look really pathetic if i had to change it back to "single" already
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I remember three things: you falling down an entire flight of stairs, me stripping out of your Christmas one-sie to do cartwheels in my underwear, and people standing above me saying, "where did that bump on her head come from?"
Also, I was told I kept the antlers on the entire time. I'm deeming last night a success.
Judging by the garbled spelling in the calendar reminders in my phone, drunk me really wanted sober me to take a pregnancy test today.
dude, you declined head because you wanted to tell her about how you put cinnamon in your weed. also, we're low on Chef Boyardee
I think I died last night.
Yeah, you got carried home
I CAN FEEL MY HEART BEATING MY WHOLE BODY
She used to be cute, back when we were young.
Oh well, so were platform jellies. Shit changes.
And he kept lifting up his shirt every few minutes to check if his nipples were still there
You can accomplish quite a bit with a can do attitude and a well placed ice cube.
If by whore you mean UPGRADE....then yes I am
Y'all let us switch shirts in the middle of 200 people....why did you let me get this drunk by noon?
Randomize
