Why can't we have signs that automatically flash on our foreheads that say not interested when gross ugly guys come around, like those glasses that get dark when the sun comes out?
I'm starving. my midnight snack, aka a teaspoon of cum, isn't holding me over
My gym is having a pizza and beer party. God im starting to love this place.
i'm sitting in class and looking at who would die if all the fans suddenly fell from the ceiling. i guess i have next year to pass history..
I figured out plans for New Year's and by figuring out I mean I've got a sugar bowl of cocaine. Start at 10?
They put paint on their hands and tried to see how many times they could touch me before I woke up.
Judging by this purple one they got to second base.
The pool of urine in the trash can signifies both a regretful yet successful night.
I now have a bottom rung on my kissing scale. Like I can say "Well. On a scale of Matt to Braxton he was probably a Zach." It's the little things.
I guess "Ass Fun Friday" is not a thing no matter how many times I say it or bring it up in conversation...
My ex came over to hook up...then I went on a date 2 hours later and got a bj. Single: Finally doing it right.
I'm graduating college in 4 days. I already miss the bad decisions
Being responsible doesn't make memories.
She's currently singing "I'm gonna keep on lovin you" to her pillow. How do you think tonight went?
He’s 21. The president of his frat. I’m 28 and have a career!
Do it. It’s a noble position.
i could have got laid, but instead, i threw up in her hair. you can cross that off the bucket list.
Randomize
