i just took a sip of diet coke and i said " as soon as it hits my lips i wanna smoke a cig." then i thought of your dick.
These 5 days benders will be the death of me. Just living and breathing is a struggle right now.
Company party. Just told vp "you look like a cat person"
I just got licked by a stripper, not so great anymore.
apparently there was a flour fight and couch sex...
Do you know what the cost code is for strip clubs? I'm filling out my company expense report right now
I'm not saying I haven't been that drunk. I'm just saying I haven't been that drunk and then have cops buy me shots.
It's meant to be, Cynthia. You, him, and your developed breasts are meant for each other.
You are cordially invited to an I'm not pregnant laser tag celebration tomorrow. booze is optional.
STOP GETTING GIRLS PREGNANT IN MY BED.
did u drive by my house last night?
bc if that wasn't you i threw my bourbon bottle at the wrong van
First. I had the strength. Now. I am the death.
Please tell me I did not drink enough whiskey to think that having sex with my boyfriend while his best friend was on the floor next to us was a good idea.
Omg I just smoked and it was the end so I basically got resin and death, my throat feels like the twilight vampire description of their thirst for blood
According to the rule of quantum porn mechanics, the mere thought of something kinky causes it to exist. So out there, somewhere, there is already riddler/smurf porn...
Randomize
