Holy shit I just stopped short on route 18 because I thought my gps was saying I had to turn right in 11 feet. After almost hitting the guardrail I realized I had to turn in 11 miles.
Fuck I'm high.
We've already decided our costumes for next Halloween. She's going as Cookie Monster and I'm going as Elmo. She's just going to ask for Oatmeal Cookie shots, and I'm asking for Red-Headed Slut shots.
Dude, its January.
We're going to do the voices too.
he told me my vagina was like a beautiful piece of salami
Ice cream after masturbating>masturbating any other time
It was so weird. She left to go to the bathroom and her older sister leaned towards me with a creepy smile and said, "You don't deserve her" and then continued to stare at me with a crazy expression for the rest of the evening.
That's kinky shit dude.
I've justified worse with less. I had sex with your brother because he was wearing a nice sweater
Yes... I'll kill two birds with one crazy ecstacy filled night.
Who has the safety vest from this past weekend Additionally, who has the dancemaster glove?
I let a blind guy feel me up. All he kept saying was "oh fuck yeah!"
I'm going to fake an anxiety attack to get to the front of the line. Save me some brisket.
MORE IMPORTANTLY I THINK I JUST WATCHED SOMEONE GET SO LONELY AS TO TURN BISEXUAL??
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
His dick is magical but I don't want to die in this blizzard do you see my dilemma
Sorry if that was awkward, i will never call you sober ever again
The best part of being a lesbian? If I'm late for work at a hookup's place I can use her make up and peace out. Well and all the sex of course.
Randomize
