were you the shorter or taller girl out of you two
That girl's pussy is like White Castles, you crave it once in awhile, but you know next morning you regret eating it.
it's a girl!!
That's great, I look forward to meeting her in 18 years
some guy just asked me if water gets in a vag when girls take a bath. WTF. it's not a wind tunnel!
It's a good thing i didn't end up pregnant...i would have had to figure out his last name.
shut up i haven't hooked up with anyone since 45 minutes ago
i'm having flashbacks of crying and telling you i was made out of egg salad.
I wish pancakes were everywhere. Just pancakes. I want lilies at my wedding. No dress. Just priest. Just lilies.
I tried telling the cop that I don't do drugs, and that if he'd just take me home I could prove it by showing him my D.A.R.E. certificate.
What can i say, i'm an artist. I think deep thoughts. In between the homoerotica and pterodactyl noises
Note to self, stop going out with self absorbed bisexuals
Wait... All I had to do was ask for a sandwich and you would have come over
I won't trust your judgement until the word stripper doesn't make me laugh
The typical response to someone smacking their vodka soaked hand on your face is not to put your face in their crotch
I hooked up with Spider-Man on the hood of Santas car. I kept saying that he could shoot his web at me. Also I found Waldo. Overall good night.
Randomize
