Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
My therapist says she wants to work on my 'trust issues'. I think she's found the cash cow within.
woke up to 35 texts all saying im cheating on her
me and last nights hook up spent two hr. figuring out a reply we went with i love you..
Going to have to start putting down newspaper if puking the bed is going to be a habit
I'm naked in the window of the hotel and I feel like I'm walking in slow motion like a robot
Periouds do not concern me. Biploogival needs are buological needs.
I don't know what he did to me, but he did it wrong. I think my pelvis is broken. I cant even drive without it hurting. What. The. Fuck.
Yeah, surprised you made it on time this morning. Remarkable, considering 2 hours ago you were pretending to be talking window curtains.
If she wants experimental lesbian sex, i call dibs
So im waiting for someone at grand central and i look up AND THE ENTIRE BALCONY IS FILLED WITH BOY SCOUTS I AM TERRIFIED
I need something for rope burns and an inner ear infection. Separate incidents, FYI..
Are you okay?
I went home with a 38 year old guy in a kilt, do I look okay!
well that's what you get for sleeping with a guy called 'the defiler'
This place is full of unfortunate mustaches.
My boss couldn’t find her phone so she asked me to call it and when I found it the screen said Fuck Toy was calling. I’m very much okay with this
Randomize
