If my vagina had boots, it would be shaking in them.
The cab driver referred to me as his little gumdrop, im sure he won't feel the same when he sees the vomit all over his floor.
woke up this morning with a fat chick but she went downstairs and made pancakes without saying a word.
a girl just walked by me crying on the phone saying, "all I ever do is menstruate"
did you seriously make the punch out of vodka and food coloring
I have been way too involved with your nipples this weekend
i don't think they understood the house was collapsing. they kept dancing and jumping and asking for more cups.
Nothing like running into your favorite bartender in the middle of the afternoon while stone cold sober and being told your grabbed his penis the last time you were at his bar. My bad.
Also was told that I was her "third favourite booty call" - I'm taking this a good thing right?
It's a podium place so yeah...
I taught her to play Monopoly. She sold me her bra to keep from going bankrupt.
I woke up last night a kitchen floor with my shirt off and I love America written on my leg in eye liner
should i save it for someone special or be a feminist and be like "my vagina doesnt define me"
No more house parties. We're almost fucking 30 years old and I slept until 6 pm.
Your uterus is safe from my father's misconstrued prophecies.
Did I just pee in the Taco Bell parking lot?
Yep. But do you remember wiping with my quesadilla?
Randomize
