I want leopard sheets
haha sexcapades
thats the plan
there's a guy here who looks like a hipster got a hold of obama and gave him a makeover.
I want to do you till i cant cum anymore. Till all i get is a little flag that says "bang".
He won't stop licking me..... im choosing your date next time.
He just texted me from the outside of the hospital. He called the fat broad in the bar mrs snuffleupagus about 60 times and she broke a bottle of blackberry brandy over his head.
I haven't found him passed out in the living room covered in noodles for a while now so I guess he's getting better with the drinking.
Walt said he was feeding me so I wouldn't die. that's why there was pasta in my room
Could you imagine living in a city where bartenders are available by 1:30 AM
I'd have like 4 kids by now and at least one std
As a heterosexual male nursing student, the odds are ever in my favor. My first semester has basically been The Horny Games. I've killed almost all of the competitors at this point.
bought even stevens on dvd and enough weed and pizza bagels to last us a week.. ready to get snowed in?
She just sent me a message. It's a poem, about eternal love, that she wrote, about us. Just because I took her home two nights - doesn't mean it's eternal love.
Woke up with an e-cig stuck in my asshole. Explain.
I'm the catering manager, it's not my job to stop 2 teenagers from fucking in the bathroom. I couldn't bring myself to stop that sort of young romance anyway, that's what I pay you people for
I saw his new girlfriend. She was flashing people, short and kinda chubby. I was happy with my life after that.
as a self proclaimed hoe im ok with a lotta things but that is not fucking one of them
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