Texts From Last Night · Random Texts

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(202): View more from Washington, DC

yo i have your phone

(202): View more from Washington, DC

... oh so you probably won't get this message

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(202): yo i have your phone (202):... oh so you probably won't get this message http://tfl.nu/0ifv

Replies (14) Good night (2199) Bad night (1039)
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(202): View more from Washington, DC

He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex.

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(202): He just told me his cousin just died and I look like her. Reconsidering the sex. http://tfl.nu/r46t

Replies (1) Good night (565) Bad night (2576)
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(972): View more from Texas

so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards.

(214): View more from Texas

so how much did i say i owed you?

(972): View more from Texas

$5 and a new fuck buddy.

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(972): so i did it. i barked while i was ejaculating. not a word was said by either of us afterwards. (214): so how much did i say i owed you? (972): $5 and a new fuck buddy. http://tfl.nu/zurg

Replies (21) Good night (3232) Bad night (736)
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(419): View more from Ohio

"Morning after" poops are always like, interesting.

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(419): "Morning after" poops are always like, interesting. http://tfl.nu/5eje

Replies (12) Good night (991) Bad night (2272)
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(831): View more from California

I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines.

(1-831): View more from California

Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable

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(831): I said ACK before Andy Samberg made it even remotely funny. That tool is stealing all my lines. (1-831): Yeah, you've definitely been jizzing in your pants years before he made it socially acceptable http://tfl.nu/f2l0

Replies (15) Good night (3387) Bad night (640)
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(206): View more from Washington

genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer

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(206): genius alert. I just invented a contraption made of toilet paper and rubber bands that makes it so your balls don't stick to your leg when you wake up from sleeping. I call it, The Balldozer http://tfl.nu/ip3a

Replies (40) Good night (4216) Bad night (670)
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(719): View more from Colorado

I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere.

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(719): I woke up with ten beers in my bag that hoarded at the party last night. Rally? Its five somewhere. http://tfl.nu/w0w9

Replies (11) Good night (3553) Bad night (526)
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(412): View more from Pennsylvania

Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way.

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(412): Welcome to my life. currently drinking beer through two straws. easier/faster that way. http://tfl.nu/rfmc

Replies (18) Good night (4208) Bad night (683)
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(604): View more from British Columbia

People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky

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(604): People are handing out olympic condoms downtown, just put it on and it broke, this is how there trying to raise the population. Very sneaky canadian government, very sneaky http://tfl.nu/clbn

Replies (90) Good night (8055) Bad night (1285)
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(505): View more from New Mexico

I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster.

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(505): I want to start this convo out by apologizing for the broken toaster. http://tfl.nu/elih

Replies (1) Good night (2152) Bad night (703)
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(713): View more from Texas

We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager.

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(713): We're all in the kiddie pool on the porch. Fully clothed. Watching porn. With my manager. http://tfl.nu/qy4e

Replies (11) Good night (2552) Bad night (848)
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(512): View more from Texas

My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!"

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(512): My dad, when he got home and saw me loading a bowl in the living room: "We have TWO beautiful balconies to get high on and you pick the couch?!" http://tfl.nu/srq7

Replies (7) Good night (3015) Bad night (526)
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(317): View more from Indiana

You need a sexual gate keeper

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(317): You need a sexual gate keeper http://tfl.nu/r2za

Replies (7) Good night (750) Bad night (392)
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(832): View more from Houston, Texas

I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement.

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(832): I don't know, but I assume drunk me had her reasons. I trust her judgement. http://tfl.nu/0r09

Replies (1) Good night (564) Bad night (268)
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(315): View more from New York

I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame

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(315): I've been watching porn with my cat lately. No shame http://tfl.nu/dh70

Replies (1) Good night (290) Bad night (446)

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