i can't believe i haven't brushed my teeth. and i just kissed my grandma. I'm going to hell.
Waaait I'm alsleep in myt car somewhere
just realized the sink is the perfect height to piss into never cleaning the toilet again
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
21 Of The Most Impressive Things Ever Seen In Porn
New plan: we get a little bit drunk and go to 24 hour fitness and be eachothers wing people so we can hit on in shape hot people at a gym instead of drunk idiots at a bar.
Tell her you can forgive her unacceptable behavior because her dad and his dog weren't married when they conceived her.
it's sad when i round the corner and the dog goes directly for the liquor store
aaaaaand im pretty certain i told that boy i just met that "his balls better be out tomorrow"
Mitt romney looks like a fantastic lover (full disclorsure: im 76% vodka right now)
19 Parents Had Epic Reactions When Catching Their Kids Being “Bad”
Russell brand is gross. Everytime I see him I just wanna give him a bath. He's like a used condom.
Is it considered a bad morning to find your boss half naked in the parking lot of work at 7am?
That depends, how hot is your boss?
I woke up to find a bottle of Bacardi in my shower rack. How was your night?
His roommates came in the room and were throwing snowballs at us while we were hooking up.
I'm tired of the topic. I sent him a pic of my vagina to change it.
We had sex on his grandparents floor... the taxidermy deer was staring at me the whole time!