She just texted me saying, "I wish you were a better person so I could fuck you without regrets"
I'm just not sure how to initiate the "do you want to have sex with my boyfriend and I" conversation
That fucking fat Asian kid that NOBODY invited is stuck in the dryer again
We did naked snow angels in 14 degree weather, you can't tell me you had more liquor at that party
apparently it isn't appropriate to tell a coworker who is eating celery because it's "negative calories" that a blowjob is too
Dude if our hands were ladels we could work at a soup kitchen
That would be so convenient
Drag queen told me that I have the cheek bones to do drag. That's supposed to boost my moral.
The floor and the wall just switched. I'm falling.
Got to the gym, getting changed, found a jello shot in my shoes.
I apparently made a "health and fitness" subcatagory called "drugs" on mint at some point. I used it to catagorize all of my nyc atm withdrawls for $60 haha
TACOBELL COOL RANCH TACOS MARCH 7TH. I think realistically that will be more like valentines day for us. Bc nothing says romance like tacobell.
Just saw a dude dressed as captain america driving down the highway. He saluted me.
It's like my life is one of those movies where after a bunch of outlandish events that only happen in a movie the girl realizes her true life calling and lives a great life with a sexy man of multiple races. But I'm stuck in the fucked up part where 25 year olds come in their pants.
i'm 99% sure they had an orgy while i was passed out
I get so pissed when there is something that NEEDS to be made fun of and you're not here.
Randomize
