Texts From Last Night

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  (506): View more from New Brunswick

  I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer?

  (902): View more from Pr Edwrd Is, Nva Sctia

  the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka.

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  (506): I ishhh haha are u coming nack easyer? (902): the fact that I know you're asking me if I'm coming home for easter makes me believe I speak fluent vodka. http://tfl.nu/rxlv
  Replies (16) Good night (10458) Bad night (1142)
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  (201): View more from New Jersey

  your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night

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  (201): your mascara is on the toilet seat from when you fell asleep last night http://tfl.nu/mrgx
  Replies (18) Good night (1097) Bad night (4555)
• Favorite

  (484): View more from Pennsylvania

  It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over.

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  (484): It's Christmas week. I wouldn't know what to do if i wasn't hung over. http://tfl.nu/cnrb
  Replies (1) Good night (1775) Bad night (740)
• Favorite

  (931): View more from Tennessee

  Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me....

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  (931): Apparently Bin Ladens last act of terrorism is cock blocking me.... http://tfl.nu/xfhz
  Replies (11) Good night (1450) Bad night (3515)
• Favorite

  (715): View more from Wisconsin

  She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar.

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  (715): She was indeed spoonfeeding you potato salad out of that giant bowl with a giant spoon. Dont feel special, she was giving it to everyone that left the bar. http://tfl.nu/6ko7
  Replies (2) Good night (1570) Bad night (908)
• Favorite

  (920): View more from Wisconsin

  I think there was chlamydia in those woods.

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  (920): I think there was chlamydia in those woods. http://tfl.nu/fxcg
  Replies (5) Good night (647) Bad night (2260)
• Favorite

  (919): View more from North Carolina

  I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there.

  (1-919): View more from North Carolina

  Hopefully she would park on my face.

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  (919): I think my vagina is going to steal my keys and drive over there. (1-919): Hopefully she would park on my face. http://tfl.nu/4722
  Replies (21) Good night (6274) Bad night (939)
• Favorite

  (404): View more from Georgia

  When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face.

  (706): View more from Georgia

  I hope you did not try this.

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  (404): When hitting a Woodchuck bottle with a machete, glass will fly back and cut your face. (706): I hope you did not try this. http://tfl.nu/9l4w
  Replies (10) Good night (1569) Bad night (1066)
• Favorite

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?"

  (774): View more from Massachusetts

  It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?"

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  (774): If I ever write a book, i'm calling it "why do i work with fucktards?" (774): It'll be a good sequel to my other book, "why do i sleep with fucktards?" http://tfl.nu/cbil
  Replies (8) Good night (2593) Bad night (654)
• Favorite

  (205): View more from Alabama

  Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah.

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  (205): Even completely stoned shes amazing on the piano. There are like 7 people sitting on the ground listening to her like she's the messiah. http://tfl.nu/ja8i
  Replies (10) Good night (2566) Bad night (527)
• Favorite

  (615): View more from Tennessee

  fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think

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  (615): fun fact #6 about tuesday nights: giving head with two 40s taped to your hands is not as easy as you would think http://tfl.nu/g5tp
  Replies (15) Good night (1630) Bad night (725)
• Favorite

  (256): View more from Alabama

  He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment."

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  (256): He was crying because he hiccuped every time he kissed me. We then crawled to the kitchen because neither of us could stand, and I spoon-fed him peanut butter "to cure his ailment." http://tfl.nu/ioax
  Replies (6) Good night (2151) Bad night (575)
• Favorite

  (519): View more from Ontario

  My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now

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  (519): My neighbour is taking her hamster for a walk on a leash. Come over now http://tfl.nu/86ra
  Replies (5) Good night (1917) Bad night (446)
• Favorite

  (412): View more from Pennsylvania

  I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day.

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  (412): I drunk-cried for all conjoined twins everywhere the other day. http://tfl.nu/3m26
  Replies (4) Good night (550) Bad night (771)
• Favorite

  (250): View more from British Columbia

  IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE?

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  (250): IS SOBER OCTOBER A THING?? WTF WHO ARE THESE PEOPLE? http://tfl.nu/uqe9
  Replies (5) Good night (604) Bad night (811)

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