Just did a shot to pluto being a planet again. I love science.
My new excuse for sleeping with him was in celebration of his cat's birthday.
It's hard to be above the influence when you are the influence.
If my bosses could see, smell or hear me right now they would understand why its a horrible idea to keep the office open sundays
Is This New Dating App Elitist…Or Genius?
no they seem fine, they're doing push ups and waiting for a charging toy helicopter
I had to download the flashlight app so I could finish taking a dump when the power went out.
i think i can safely say that is the weirdest thing you've ever propositioned me with. so obviously my answer is yes.
Listen man this isn't about soccer. It's about America and day drinking... Your two favorite things now get your ass over here
Not even desperate vagina wants small cock.
Glad to hear you raised your standards
Stay Away From These 29 Online Dating Red Flags
It was weird. Like "Mom, Dad, here's a guy who knows my orgasm face".
You have to keep an eye on her tonight cause you know how she likes to pickpocket people when she's drunk.
It's end St Patricks day. I'm gonna need a leash. And a bib. And a rain check on anything considered dignifying.
no dude free pina colada`s taste like what I would expect my penis to taste like except gay-er.
In the morning when you read your texts, just fyi you showed up at my house drunk off your ass and shoe less and demanded I go to the bar. You need Jesus.
Yeah like stabbing myself through the eye with a coffee stir and bleeding out all over the office rug