you were running down the aisles of wal mart singing 'follow the yellowbrick road'. i'm pretty sure you thought the night shift workers were the munchkins & started crying when they wouldnt help u find the wizard. needless to say u were pretty stoned/wasted
The project manager just came into talk to me for the first time and I had justed googled best drum solo ever and couldn't X out of the screen.
I mean. If you don't have time I understand, but my dick doesn't.
In debating whether or not it's worth getting out of bed and walking 5 feet down the hallway to go to the bathroom before I puke
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I knew shit got real when the pinapple was gone and people were just passing around the core and gnawing on it.
Just woke up next to our cab driver from last night. Please tell me this isn't happening.
we fucked while standing on a ladder. challenging, but worth it.
In 30 minutes I will have been sober for an entire month. Time for a celebratory lap of cheap alcohol that leads to early liver failure.
But happy liver failure. That's what counts.
She called us while she was having sex to ask if we remembered to feed the cat
I dont understand how her boyfriend puts up with her weirdness
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Who am I sleeping next to in your bed? Where are you? Also when are you coming home... I need coffee.
It was only in the sobering silence of the wilderness on the mountain, after I was too tired to talk anymore and I also didn't want to tell Julian that we were lost, that I realized how super tripped out I had been the entire time...
dude, i just accidentally flashed your mom. BIG TIME.
My lighter is stuck in my beard.
my life is turning into trapped in the closet at way too fast a speed for me to feel comfortable.
And if you put this on Facebook, I will drop live cockroaches in your mouth while you sleep and then smother you with a pillow.
You always say the most romantic things