do you know why "how to shave your balls" is bookmarked on my computer?
i wish that i had sketchier friends so that it would be easier to get drugs
He made a note in his iPhone tonight so that he would remember that I rejected him.
She introduced herself as 'Ann the sober one.' Took me to a coat check and a lost and found. Then offered coffee and breakfast sandwiches. Turns out she's been paying her half of the electric bill running post-party operations.
People With No Siblings Will Never Understand These 23 Things
I've wasted nicer days than this hungover and dry heaving in bed.
Then again, I'm single and napping with a stuffed yoda doll...so I'm not the world's authority on shit.
My vagina is trying to run away to Boston without me.
I woke up and found a doughnut on our front porch. It's not sketchy though. More like a gift from the gods.
FridayRule: If it takes you longer than 5 minutes to find a parking spot, you don't have class today
25 Seemingly Normal Things That Give Some People Massive Anxiety
I think you'll be amused to know that I achieved the impossible feat of tripping over my own dick
He's probably the biggest I've seen outside of the porn I vehemently deny watching and he asks if I think he's too small
Omg drank too much. Threw up in my Santa hat on the train and then of course it leaked all over me.
Also send boobie pics with bobs burgers in background its the only way to get me off anymore
I think one make out session at a bar per year is probably the best choice.
His balls will have been in my mouth at least once by this time tomorrow.