Our relationship is like that beach boys song "help me Rhonda" and I'm fucking Rhonda. And Rhondas's the whore in case you've never heard it.
Nyc is like a mosaic of my failed dates.
Just went to my life planning class. The professor has a braid going halfway down his back and an earring.
i get tired of guys telling me there married or they have a girlfriend. they act like it concerns or matters to me
He keeps whispering to me that he can't wait to tie my hands up with my wig?
I'm confused are we getting high or did someone actually die?
Where would I incorporate "your boyfriend fucked the shit out of me last night" before or after Merry Christmas bitch?
he peed on his own floor last night after we left the bar. pretty much sums up how i feel about the evening
they had to hand cuff you because you wouldn't stop trying to unzip the paramedic's pants...this is why i love you
Just know I'm having fun but I still have my motor functions.
Doc gave me something stronger than Xanax. The pills have your last name imprinted on them. This cannot be coincidence.
Just got blown whilst wearing a glow in the dark superman t shirt. Your night will never be as good as mine.
Is "You've never made me cum." an acceptable breakup line?
I literally have anal toys soaking in the bathroom sink and dinner on the stove. If that doesn't scream "domestic goddess", I don't know what the fuck does.
I know this sounds fake but she's deep frying a bar of soap right now
Come fucking get her
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