1:57 a.m. Where did you go???
1:58 a.m. What are you doing? I want to go home with you, why aren't you responding?
2:11 a.m. Heading back to your place now, will you let me in?
is it appropriate to call someone “ a tasty piece of bitch?” This is time sensitive.
i'm sorry, i thought "hey, she wants TO FUCK YOU" was a good enough cue
would really like to know how the teddy bear got super glued to my testicles.
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
My econ prof just gave me a shot glass because I was the "randomly picked" winner of the lecture. Ties into our supply and demand lecture, supplied with a shot glass, demand a thirsty thursday
He gets a blow job; I get my oil changed free of charge. And that way I only see him every 2500 miles.
But he made me breakfast and understands the fuck sleep fuck sleep necessities
I just had someone I don't even know on Facebook message me saying it seems like I drink too much and should slow down.
He was like an artic tracker. Walked ten paces from the tree, then 15 paces from the mailbox, dug down in the snow, and pulled up the case of beer he hid from his parents out there. It tasted like ice cold success.
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
I think a van full of parolees just blew me kisses. Thoughts?
Well at least the house will be decorated when u get evicted.
Thanks for fucking me in last night
TUCKING. TUCKING ME IN LAST NIGHT
My friend had to carry her up the steps on his shoulder, and then she got up, found an ironing board and set it up in my friend's room just in case he needed to iron things.
I literally stopped banging her when my ESPN app alerted me that the Spurs had won. That's how much I hate Lebron. I would rather watch him cry in the post game interviews than get it in
Randomize