How was last night?
She looked like Delta Burke in her fat Designing Women days ... and she just left like 2 minutes ago. Right after breakfast.
you made pancakes with beer, you said they were good. then you threw up 15 minutes later
Okay the common myth about putting tampons in you nostrils for a nose bleed is busted. It just starts coming out through your throat.
Just drug him and when he wakes up be like "you just woke up from a coma, we've been married for the past five years." It'll be like the Vow but fucked up.
So yeah never trust sex tips from yahoo answers
I think I'll handle my grief by throwing myself headlong into lesbianism. Seems like a fitting tribute to you.
I mean.. listen to "Put It In My Mouth" and you'll get the gist of my voicemail for you.
I'm supposed to nail the old lady at 1:30 so I'll see you at 1:35ish.
I had no idea he had such passive aggressive animalistic tendencies. This is the human equivalent of peeing on someone.
I woke up this morning wearing his boxers as a shirt
They were out of soap so you started calling yourself a dirty bitch
Both guys that I'm dating were waiting for me in the parking lot after work. Literally the most awkward situation I have ever been in
Just saw a hotel with a bunch of mattresses in the parking lot. Made me think of you.
I’ve had a lot of vodka, 3 different dicks and no food since last night. Come get me
the coup got in the way of sex but inauguration day came thru we did it joe
Randomize
