Reason #82 that I need to get laid: my pubes are getting split ends.
Hey baby girl when you gonna let my tongue get up in that ass like i'm an explorer trying to go deep under on a quest for the lost city of atlantis
your text was fucking rediculious. Will let you eat my asshole though.
you broke into my aparment at three in the morning wearing long johns and offered me beer.
Chicago was legit, ate some badass pizza and gave a cig to a crackhead..its all i thought it would be
Restaurants Roasting People Who Gave Them Negative Yelp Reviews (25 Pics)
Just got head while drinking hot cocoa and eating cookies. Never in my life have I felt more like santa claus
Excuse me by sucking dick i am fighting crime. Just think of all the prostitues going out of business and getting real jobs.
the fire alarm went off. we werent sure whether to leave or turn the music up louder
You called him your tasty little crouton. Which actually wasn't the weirdest part.
Freedom, beauty, truth, and love to all. I also probably have syphilis
Woman Posts Harassing DMs From Creep Online, Now He’s Upset Because People Told His Mom
Terrible hangover + phoenix airport + pizza hut....I think I might have entered one of the levels of hell.
I take to many stalker pics of him. If he ever looks through my phone he'll never give me sex again :(
Dude. Went to buy some jack and sailor Jerry, when the guy at the counter realized it was my birthday everybody in the store including the stoners and the elderly sang to me. Then they gave me shots of moonshine. 21st bday was a success
I just bottomed with the last unicorn playing in the background. I've hit a new level of gay.
Worst wingman u don't do ANYTHING but laugh at my incompitant shyness
It's so obvious he's evil. I mean, would a non-evil person have facial hair like that?
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