Dude! wtf happend last nite? I woke up with 2 black eyes and a head ache
You stepped off the curb and face planted the road...twice
Why didnt you hold me up....and why a second time?
I helped you up but figured it was wayy funnier to watch you fall again then lose my buzz....
turns out Discover card thinks that if you spend $450 at four different liquor stores in one evening that the card "must have been stolen"
it felt like I walked into a Tool Academy challenge
We may have a problem that even dr. phil cant solve
Everything about him screamed your future.
Registered for next semester classes drunk. Let's hope I didn't accidently sign up for history of dinosaurs again...
I didnt believe in cockblocking untill my roomate brought home that.
that awkward moment when your booty call gets snowed in at your place.
Ever have a day where u just waNna wake up get a blow job eat food and chill I just want today to be that day
While you were in the ER we decided to tailgate in the parking lot until security told us that's not allowed.
Let's go one conversation without mentioning cats or alcohol someday.
I can't believe this. 100 bucks says my Botox lasts longer than their marriage will.
we watched a guy take a shot of tequila while riding a unicycle
I DO have hobbies! I drink. I drink more. I catfish men on Grindr with photos of guys who are less attractive than me. I listen to Lovecraftian podcasts. I'm very well-rounded.
No bra. No panties. Makeup from last night. At work right now. I am trash.
Randomize
