There's an amish chick decked out in amish clothes on a cell phone staring at me.
dude im at a party with a bunch of 17 year old gilrs this is awesome
no its not leave
Im still in bed and cant move and i only had Two beers and a shot last night... how did I make it in college?
God gave us a 4 year grace period.
It's summer and yet I still can't have one library session w/o seeing someone who has had their penis in me.
"Whiskey Cheerios" was a terribly great idea.
It isn't possible and the very mindfuck of that concept gives me a lady boner.
HURRY. I NEED DRUNK. MORE DRUNK.
She's in labor and I'm doing shots. Whose the real winner here?
Def don't remember taking those pics I sent you...but it looks like I was in a car? Shit. Looks like my Uber passenger rating just went up exponentially.
You are cut off. Your giant penis and crazy awesome sex is ruining my body...
You were laying next to me in bed at 4:30 a.m. I asked if you were drunk and you said you weren't drunk you were buzzed like a bumblebee. Then kept rambling on about having to call out of work.
First she snuck beer into the movies and then proceded to give me a handjob in the dark theatre. I think I'm in love
She grabbed a $20 bill out of my hand, calling it a lap dance coupon and then she dragged me into her bedroom. I think I’m in love
Rationing the toilet paper. Only one wipe allowed. I'm scared to move too much.
He passed out while I was riding him but stayed hard long enough for me to orgasm. He definitely earned the blow job I’m going to wake him up with in the morning!
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