So he says "lean over this" which is a chain across the doorway, held into the wall with bolts. I do. Then he puts his weight on top of me to try and get it in.
It breaks. We fall.
I now have a broken nose, a concussion, and an infected, split lip. Why do I have the worst luck in guys?
Yeaaah, so cabbie laughed at me, and said, "rough nite? Let me find you some music" . apparently OPP is the appropriate ride of shame soundtrack.
I just opened a bottle of wine with a shoe and a tube of mascara. Get on my level
Wow way to turn my death into an oppurtunity to get laid
that's just what you get for learning massage techniques from gay porn
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
SEX BINGO!
Canadian or clown?
So many Oreos I'm regretting this decision already but I'm happy at the same time...The straddle is real
Struggle. Not straddle. I'm not straddling anyone.
I'm home, and it turns out she didn't get it all. still picking Oreos out of my pubes.
They were supposed to legalize it when there was a chance someone might actually propose to me. I'm appealing this bullshit.
Did I wash my face last night at your house? Where did my eyebrows go??
He ate me out while watching Fifty Shades of Grey---needless to say I'm locking this down
Can't find my wig, my underwear, or my dignity. Halloween 2016
So I took my bra off and threw it in the bushes before we went to the bars..
I'm laying backwards. On the stairs. Eating carrots. And drinking from a captain Morgan bottle.
Randomize
