Why were you high on a thursday?
today's a wednesday
I asked first.
I am swimming in semen. He must have been holding it in for a special occasion.
you know what its like when everyone is chanting "do it, do it"...still friends?
I woke up at 2 pm to my roommate checking my pulse.
Still in Rome. Hooked up with frat boy from SoCal that's studying abroad. He said he was 1/8 italian. I'll take it.
When she was dating that guy she told me If they broke up, I would receive a call and no matter what I was doing I'd have to go over a fuck her. It's like being an EMT for sex.
Just picked them up. It took 6 holes and a handle of rum to evolve from golf to a demolition derby.
There's an entire pit crew of cart boys surveying the golf cart destruction.
We got caught having sex in the bathroom by my professor. In accordance with tradition, we still brofisted. I think my grade went up considerably.
And then you asked me why my legs were so thick and started measuring them with a ruler
Summer bikini season begins today. I hereby declare the commencement of the 2013 HUNT FOR CUNT.
2014 decided to stick it to me one last time. Right up the ass.
Oh man
I hooked up with the lead singer of the band at the wedding. I am so hungover.
Almost ran out to the street bowl in hand when I hear the ice cream truck pull up outside.
Everything about that text makes me proud to be your sister.
She was talking about how a garden gnome was hitting on her the whole night. We thought she was just that high, but turned out the gnome was that guy in the weird hat.
why is there a thong in the fridge-NOT MINE-and a half of a pickle on the stairs?!
I don't wear thongs. The picle was for dipping. Ill explain later. Lacy or plain thong ?
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