My ass is singing 4 different tunes right about now... Taco Bell was a bad idea!
dude, you're being a jerk.
sorry, didn't mean to pull a Cheney
My unemployment check should really just be direct-deposited into the checking account of my drug dealer
all thats left of you is your magnum wrapper on my dresser
One of my other friends found me and the dog in the back seat of this one guy's car....I don't even know
Just saw a dude hanging out a window upside down chugging a 60 of vodka. This weekend is big for everyone I guess
Crashed the mayor's bday party, no list for some reason. Wore suits. Ludacris was there.
If graduating leads me to stop getting naked at inappropriate times in public places I'm going to be pissed
Should I have a moral quandary about Skyping topless with him while his son slept in the other room?
and then we all passionately sang "what if god was one of us" until everyone passed out in the grass
Forgot my sound was off and didnt even realize it until halfway through because I thought I could hear it. I think high me just narrated half a clip of adventure time
I can't tell if the dead thing in the yard is a deer or the guy I slept with last night...
Remember that time I got suspended in eighth grade, well it was like that but I was on acid and wearing goggles
is it acceptable to cross the border for sex?
I said I wanted pizza tattoo on my ass and the tattooist asked me what I wanted on it.
Randomize
