she came over and started getting naked and said its not like i came over to just hang out
youve hit the jackpot
WISH UPON A TAMPON
They constantly get farther than me.
tampons.
I feel like death gave me a hand job
this speak and spell drinking game will be the death of us all.
Everything was yummy and fruit flavored and five alive and happymeas.
Just like to put it out there it's surprising how little reception a dog cage has
he told me "apparently my gag reflex doesn't work so if you magically grew a penis I would deep throat you"
my new game is to try to use the phrase "explosion in your mouth". as much as possible on tinder.
My blue shorts are now brown from all the stripper fake tan
Just got a blow job from a woman on a ski slope. She said ski'ing frightens her and giving head calms her down. Glad I could help ma'am!
How do you get the "hangs out with drunk assholes" insurance
His favorite positions involve choking me out. I'm marrying him.
The only people allowed to make me cry are myself and Chris Hemsworth as Thor. And me.
Hey what you doing tonight?
Working at the hospital! So hurt yourself and come visit :)
See you in about a hour
Soooo you're telling me you support us groom's men giving lap dances to willing patrons?
Randomize
