After he proceded to violently molest my tits until 9 am i snuck out of his room only to meet his mother downstairs, who informed me she heard the giant sexfest going on in the room next to them.. this was before she called us both "chickenshits".. worst walk of shame ever.
As gay men are we obligated to learn the Single Ladies dance.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
ya i found him eventually. hes the only one who drinks guiness so I just had to follow the darkest green puke trail
she is like cheap alcohol. you can only get so buzzed before you get sick.
we were fucking and all I could think about is how my silly bands were glowing in the dark.
the elusive kegmastree, who's mystery is only exceeded by it's power
Either there is a god and he hates masturbation, or one of my roommates stole my vibrator while I was in the shower.
Remember my theory about how the universe perfectly unfolds to fuck me? Well, it's at work right now
Speaking of roommates, Kelsey and I woke up to urine in our trash can. Neither one of us is willing to admit to it so we've come to the conclusion that someone snuck into our room in the middle of the night
I didn't ride the struggle bus so much as drive it backwards off a cliff.
Asking the homeless man what buss shelter is the warmest was not a good idea
you got coffee,laid,and a sandwich. that never happens when I work
My dreams last night were filled with sex and quidditch.
Fun fact: deep throating plus dehydration plus eating a lot of citrus = my throat is fucked. Metaphorically and physically.
Randomize
