Pappa wants mamma naked
I've really got to stop smuggling half full bottles of beer out of bars in my purse.
i licked the inside of a toilet bowl for $14. i really can't talk about my night.
Why is there not a 'day after acid' genre. Or even a pandora station or something.
My parents just out drank me... I cant get back to college soon enough
So if you ever need to know a guy who knows a guy who knows a guy that can put a 24oz beer can up his ass... Hit me up...
I made Mark strip for me and do a stripper dance. I put 2 dollars in his mouth
As if right now I am a humanitarian. Full story to come in the morning. It involves sex.
When exactly does a bender just become a lifestyle?
We are gunna have the best winter break smoking weed and eating ham
The guy at the door just stared only at my boobs and said "I'm gonna let you in." 'Merica
Oh I'm definitely going to hit on her, there's no question about that. What I meant by playing it cool is I'm not going to mount her on sight.
Firstly: alligator costume is happening anyway. But I'll see what I can do about the balls.
Is it wrong for me to wish my cat had arms to get me a beer?
FUCK ME I smuggled weed onto a plane by accident
Randomize
