got them to do a wheelbarrow of shame down the sidewalk after the threesome. I rule
My mom just bought me $200 worth of booze on the condition that I promise I won't have to go to rehab eventually
Drunk lesbians having an argument about their realationship isn't as hot as I imagined.....
no, no, no. omg. i said i wanted a SANDWICH! not a picture of your dick. damn cant you read? SANDWICH! now im blinded. great job.
She's been drinking and was roller blading. I'm sure you can do the math
They seemed upset when they walked out and saw a penis in a mouth
He went 'unicorn hunting' and lost a fight with a fence. That's how he ended up in the ER.
Now I can say "look me up on Pornhub."
You need to call dibs on the blond with the tits. It's your birthday.
Haha hell yea
Because if someone gets to see those.. It should be you. It's like God telling you Happy Birthday.
you showed up at my door at 3am, handed me a bag of cold chicken nuggets and said "lead me to the non-irish Siobhans," do YOU think you were tripping?
One minute we were playing beer pong, and the next minute I was sprinting to my apartment with a watermelon. wtf happened in between?
My dad just said "fuck circus"
I'm having leftover pizza for breakfast. I'm clearly not the greatest at this adult thing.
i do my most serious thinking while screwing her. ive pondered everything from quantum physics to the life cycle of a badger. if i keep this up ill have a phd in no time.
Its 6:30pm and dad just drunk called me asking me what the alarm code at home is..... I'm at home, and dad isn't here.....
Randomize
