I'm not conventionally pretty...I'm just crazy
I just saw the list where the U.S. doesn't even rank in the top 10 in drinking countries. I know its Tuesday but....its for America
your friend did not want a bj. we need to leave. this is very awkward.
Jesus christ how hard is BRING SNACKS AND DRUGS to interpret? I trust your judgement on this one.
He's almost as awesome as vicodin.
Can i tell him you said that? Cuz i know that means a lot coming from you
You just made it sound like a children's toy! It's a functioning body organ, my vagina is not a gameboy!!!
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
She was wearing some slutty variation of a toga and giving the entire bus a pep talk on why we should black out tonight...I'M IN LOVE AND I DON'T CARE WHO KNOWS IT!
he may or may not have motorboated me on the steps of the library of congress
Her husband thinks she's banging me and nothing is going to change his mind so I told her we might as well just bang and make him right
My dick pics could make it to the popular page on Instagram.
I'll do my best. he just keeps yelling beer and doing dick helicopters
What's the rule for getting in fights with homeless men in suits?
Here's a rule: don't
75% of the time I swipe right on Bumble for girls over 40 is because I think their 18 year old daughter is hot.
Im pretty sure I didnt bang him becasue I woke up at 6am to him jerking off with a fleshlight right next to me in bed ... He made himself cum and was moaning my name ... MOST AKWARD EXPIERENCE OF MY LIFE
Randomize
