I just came so hard I farted. Twice. Thank God I'm alone.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
I just had a flashback to last nights party, I'm pretty sure I told most of the people there that I post a masturbation schedule for an iCal download.
just got super drunk mixing jägermeister with my lyme disease meds. even if my face goes paralyzed, at least i got smashed from it.
Its a good thing the lights were off cuz Im pretty sure the look on my face when I touched his penis would have offended him
In retrospect pumpkin carving while drinking Patron was a bad idea.
I hope this doesn't change things. I feel that me being a minor made it more exciting.
After he was done he gave me a case of landshark and tickets to tomorrows yankee game. This is the best nonrelationship ever
I feel like death crawled up inside me and died. That sick
i have never been so sexually frustrated as I am right now. I feel like dying...is death an option?
My boyfriend told me that I said I wanted to "feast on her vagina"... Glad I don't remember.
so like what it comes down to is do I wanna look like a boss ass bitch or do I wanna masturbate.
I wrote a pretty good eulogy, too. Motherfucker pastor had no sense of comedic timing.
Its like the floor is slow but life is fast?
I see you found the nyquil...
I got home and found him passed out in my tank top so i think i'll put lipstick on him and mass text a picture to everyone in his phone. that's what he gets for eating all my wheat thins
Randomize
