Do you think they could tell I was high on that conf call?
She rubs her butt on the bed & then she growls..
My roommate was eating ketchup out of a bowl. Get me the hell out of here.
Ikeep having to ask jim if I'm actually talking. I canmt feel my body...this is what Christmas is all about
I just told the toilet I loved it. Bad sign.
He asked if I had feelings for him while I was lying naked on the floor vomiting into a trashcan as he held my hair and fed me Pringles.
Just trying to get my dicks in a row.
Speaking of church, everyone showed up to lunch in the dining hall in their Sunday best and I walk in looking homeless bc I just got out of bed. I hate this school.
You should never be more than a quarter of a mile from a working toilet
Preach!
What's goes good with Everclear?
Pepto-Bismol and a sandwich.
My date ended with her leaving the bar with that guy who used to jerk off in the back of the school bus.
Maybe if you would fuck your boss you would get string cheese too
I'm sorry I crashed your motorcycle and watched you get robbed from a rooftop. Will you please come back or at least drop off my shoes?
Fuck you. Fuck this party. I just wanted to be pretty with a cute little tiara and boys sucking my tits, now i have a hangman game drawn on my face and jello shots in my hair.
I wanted to give you a great birthday party. You know I did.
a reward? ill think of something
if its not drugs or food I swear to god ill throw a fit
Randomize
