are u sure the monkey wasnt drunk too
I just chased the everclear with Listerine...I think I found my new chaser!
it's like iHOP with fire
If I could have all the money back from the pregnancy test i've bought- I could buy myself a vacation.
Or a large amount of condoms?!?
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
Yea. You cant just squeeze my balls. They are sensitive
just had to explain to the health center why i wanted 50 condoms a month.
I know it was you because you're the only person I know who gets drunk and craves soup.
Soup is delicious
I was so stoned on the way to work, I pretended you were in the car with me. We sang "Mrs. Jackson" by outkast.
my roommate just said she thinks she got a flashback or some memory of me getting hit by a car.
There was a time I was reining queen of Sunday funday... And at that same time I also weighed 20 pounds more, had the morale of a spearmint rhino stripper, and woke up most mornings asking more questions than fucking Barbara Walters. I think I just wrote my own epitaph.
Get your clothes on you are our DD for the night. The usual three way payment
We're taking a shot every time Landon Donovan takes a shot. It's clever, sort of.
I stole a tiki torch last night and just returned it. Things have been better.
Woke up with a girls naked next to me I had her thong on somehow.
Randomize
