I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! I saw hookers! Live in the flesh!
walked into the kitchen nd asked my mom what smells like tuna she replies" your sister" now i cant eat tuna...EVER!!!
and i'm pretty sure he drank the lava lamp
you sat in the middle of your kitchen floor feeding your dog blueberries one by one
Her hair goes down to her lower back and nobody was there to held it back for her. She looked like chewbacca dipped in vomit.
I almost lit my balls on fire tonight.
I am trying to take a picture of a man in a wheelchair trying to ship a michael jackson portrait
Fun holiday story for you: Alex and I went out drinking. She left. I needed a ride home. Met this dude and told him to drive my car back. Once at my house, I made him take out my dog and then apologized for not wanting to make out with him. I said, let me go see if my roommate is interested and then I slept in Alex's bed all night.
20 bucks says he was an actual leprechaun
Dad's already had 6 Zionist conspiracy rants and moms trying to detect any "dark energies" in my soul. You have 4 days before you return to this shit: ENJOY THEM
Literally just had a girl put her street name into my phone. Yeah.
I think John will remember that birthday for a while. I'm still dying at the fact a stripper was hunting me down.
Someone put pennies in the toilet. This isn't a fucking wishing well
high moment I think I just reached personal nirvana
I've faked every orgasm I've ever had, I think I can fake being sick for 8 hours.
your mission the party friday: cockblock me at ALL costs. I've cheated on my boyfriend twice. I feel like three times would be crossing some sort of line...
and no, I don't care how how hot he is
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