I love you!
You're insane
Fuckin crazy man! Seriously though I think if you would have me I honestly seriously think about marrying u!
Alright now lets video chat so I can xshow u my dick! Hahahaha
sorry i'm running a bit late. had to shave my brittney...was looking more like rapunzel. clearly i've been having a drought.
I just wanna be some guy's midlife crisis
I feel dirty and I went home alone. Bars should be like airlines and make fat girls pay double for everything.
I just saw a guy give a mop to his fat wife and say "Look, an exercise stick!"
his penis was like watching paranormal activity your very hyped up to see it but you think it might be very scary and in the end you didnt really see anything at all
i spent an hour trying to convince my psychiatrist that the fact that i showed up for my appointment drunk was progress, and she does not agree
I have got to stop making out with redheads. I need to sign my life over to my dad like Britney Spears.
did you not get the photos of the finger bruises on my ass?
He autographed my vag. This fuck just got authentic.
On Wednesday I'm putting wine in a water bottle and crashing Margaret thatchers funeral
I am sure I don't wanna know but I have to ask... Why is there a kiddie pool full of jello in the living room?
I made him laugh his dick is mine
My theme for the night was drink diego drink! Unfortunately Dora was not there to navigate me to the bathroom
OMG. When you threw the used condom on your floor you threw it in my purse!!! I just went to grab my headphones and it was stuck to them!
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