she has a tiny mouth but huuuge vocal chords
You tired to make Beefaroni in the Mr. Coffee machine.
last night i found out that about 5 of my friends audio recorded us having sex through the bedroom door, then auto tuned it in the tpain app on his iphone.
There's a 24 hour period after giving head where you can't eat penis shaped food without me laughing at you
Don't ask me how or why, but I'm drunk with German diplomats. Come over. Now
Just realized that St. Patty's is on a Saturday this year in case you were interested in coming to New York and redefining bender with me.
I'm so high I would give anything in the world to be inside my lava lamp right now
We BOTH lost our virginities there. It's basically a landmark.
Landen experienced Greenville for the first time last night. He was awaken by 2 cops and 4 EMS guys this morning in the bed of that truck that is for sale at the swashbuckler carwash, said he was trying to walk to waffle house... Greenville- 1, Landen- 0
To this day, I regret not having sex in the bathroom
He asked me while we were fishing why the passion was gone when we have sex. It's official...I am the dude in this relationship.
You wouldn't put pants on to see my parents.
After we'd both come, we started writing a book about dragons. Woke up this morning to a full English breakfast. Can't thank you enough for introducing us
We woke up today with 24 donuts, a tie, two jugs of vodka that we traded an extra sandwich for, and a british boy
In this house, we have but one simple rule: DONT FUCKIN TOUCH MY STUFF OR I'LL CUT YOUR NECK IN UR SLEEP
Randomize
