Obv we're gonna bbm each other in bed
It's official drugs can't kill me
I think I've had 45 beers today though So things are looking up.
THESE BITCHES NOT IN MY MAJOR BETTER NOT FILL UP MY SLAVIC FAIRYTALES CLASS
Favorite thing said to me in 2012: It's like you have two tongues!
Were you keeping a list?
Dear lord though. So much glitter. It's just a big gay explosion and all of my whore muscles hurt.
Yeah. Got a major ego boost when she said she felt like she had just fucked King Arthur. Buying some donuts later to celebrate with, wanna join?
I went by my nickname in rehab. It made it feel more like summer camp.
I yelled at the cab driver to slow down because my unborn children live here, and pointed to my uterus. I think my message was lost in translation though because he immediately offered me his card...
I just watched my mom pour beer into her vodka and drink it.
I was not drunk. There was Star Wars, sex, and baby oil.
Do not ever look at a picture of an erect ostrich penis. You will regret it.
I think you'll appreciate my way of waking up today: Under my cubicle, boxed in by boxes of printer paper, and hung over. I don't even know how the fuck I got in here in the middle of the night. I went to my car and fell back asleep. I'm now 2 1/2 hours late.
Starting to realize that fucking everyone I come across isn't the most... "adult"... coping method.
Just puked most of my soul out..
Randomize
