Woke up with puke in my bed and my pockets full of Tootsie Rolls.
Jealous.
How's your Sunday morning ritual of shitting and throwing up at the same time going?
I kinda wish he had even a slight idea of the sex I'm planning for his departure. I'm literally studying for it.
we sixty- nined on a tennis court.. not even drunk. you say insane. i say creative genius.
My ATM looks so different sober.
I feel like I had eight dicks in my mouth
I just spent 30 minutes cleaning out my coleman grill. Did you really have to have grilled yogurt?
When a chinchilla decides to sit on your face while you're getting head from its owner, you bond.
I just threw up every bad decision and it hurts
You are the voice of reason. And I'm bringing wine. Like seriously this is his last chance. Don't touch me once, shame on you.. Don't touch me twice, shame on me
So did I or did I not flash an entire concert last night?
I want falafel more than sex right now. That's really saying something for me...
I think clothing becomes optional at the second date! But you seem like a rule breaker
What can I say I sleep with 40 year old Cougars because my mother gave me away at birth and apparently that's why says my therapist
So if i am talking to a guy and he sends me a pic and he is wearing Spiderman button down dress shirt.... Is it ok if i dont want to talk to him anymore?
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