he chased her out of the bar yelling "TAKE MY VIRGINITY" and i havent seen her since
found a strand of your hair in my car. it's 1 ft 7 inches long
wtf you measured my hair?
how do you tell someone you stalk them in a non-creepy way
you don't.
EMERGENCY: IS A KAREOKE RICKROLL ACCEPTABLE IN THE YEAR 2011?
It's a gateway drink.... Starts with wine... Then I wake up in my car with mascara on my arms covered in french fries...
Someday. I cant very well invite myself to his dorm room. And I'm 28. The excuses to be drunk and running into him at uconn are rather slim. Although I'm working on it.
I just threw up over a bridge. I didn't even know there was a bridge in this town. Vodka is like a transportation device.
No more cocaine. I spent two hours in my bathroom convincing myself I was ugly. Is this what a period feels like?
You're the worst gay friend ever.
It's midsummers eve. A.k.a. come over so we can get drunk and wear leaf crowns
You kept insisting you found queso that's better than oral sex
THAT BEAUTIFUL FACE AND HEAVENLY LIGHTING IS NOT HELPING THE NOT DEAD POINT HOW DO I NOT KNOW YOU ARE NOT TEXTING ME FROM THE AFTERLIFE
The after life smells like latex gloves and hand soap
Is it a bad sign starting the new year off naked, wet, and alone?
Asking for a friend of course
When I walked out of the bathroom and you were literally dancing, you looked at me and said 'this is how I dance'. And then continued.
I found condoms in the back yard from you and your boyfriend. My house isnt a motel
I feel really sorry for my toilet right now
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