I feel like death. Did you die last night?
Nope. Ready for round 2. Fiesta!
unreal. Greatest comeback since Jesus
EVERY baby cries during their baptism. It's like they know from that moment on their parents are going to make them do lame things like their first communion and stuff.
Did you dl zombie porn on my computer?
And then I have a slight inkling that I went up to the bar and tried to order the bartender.
there were no ball for pong so he bought cat toys..... they had bells in them
oh my god i just remembered the cat blow jobs.
It was 5 a.m. and we found him making margaritas with nyquil...
Just got a message from a guy on a dating site who says he helped me remove lime pulp from my eye in a club toilet 2 weeks ago.
Dnt forget 40 tuesday,dress nice! Like job interview nice, like funeral nice, like a couple muhfuckas sittin on their lawn drinkin forties on a tuesday nice!
Sorry i vommed in a cup next to u w out warning.. Actually im not that sorry cuz i didn't spill a drop LIKE A PRO
THE SUPER HOT BARTENDER WHO LOOKS LIKE RYAN GOSLING JUST WALKED IN. BUT HE DOESNT EVEN WALK HE GLIDES. LIKE AN ANGEL.
I threw up in my brother's Easter basket
You went to pound town last night and chow town this morning. Boy you need a passport.
He looked so uninterested when the stripper was slapping him. Now his roommates are harassing me about how crazy our sex must be.
home. only unpacked the necessities...contact case and beer.
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