The sex was great until she started shouting, "Succeed!, Succeed!" Then it was like I was fucking a motivational speaker. Awkward.
Dude you called me last night to let me listen to you piss in a cup and drink it. Just making sure you survived
it's like russian roulette but with a penis
The waitress bought us a round. She said if anyone could do 52 margarita mondays in a row, it was us.
I thanked her dad for "firing off a good one" when she was conceived. She said thats why he doesnt like me.
I just saw my first passed out person, sprawled out on the sidewalk like they died. I wanted to take a pic but I thought that screamed "tourist"
She liked to slap me in the face while she was on top. All I can say is that big boobs can excuse a lot.
theres a new barista at starbuck holy fuck she's hot
i want to face-plant into her vagina
That kid i sell weed to just had his mom give him a ride over here she waited in the car while he bought a bag
I just spilled grey goose in my hair. You could say I keep it classy for the family Christmas parties.
This is my last chance to be the first person to fall off this roof.
Like I wasn't going to make out with the hot Australian sitting next to me at the Portland blazer game?
guess who smoked weed with their grandpa tonight. and no it wasn't me.
I just woke up with a pair of handcuffs in my pants, can u explain this?
I don't wanna SLEEP with him, I want to start bar fights with him. There's a difference.
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