There are traffic cones in the living room. One of them is yours.
Dude. I have been looking at your movie history on netflix and it is like looking at the rings of a tree. Only instead of telling me how old you are, it tells me when you were stoned.
we found you outside the hotel room sleeping with a note next to you that said " we made sure you were comfortable, hope your friends come back soon"
When you start quoting save the last dance you need to stop drinking
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Dude she's on meds. He has a ginormous penis. Ur A dumbass. That concludes our feelings chat. Dim Sumday?
He wouldn't let me put a red handprint on his face or scream to him everytime he walked away.
Why did you want to do any of that?
If someones last name is Wilson, you are obligated to pretend that you are Tom Hanks and they are a Volleyball and quote the movie when you speak to them.
Come on there are only so many drink coaster sizes nipples in the world
Last night he ate BBQ Pringles out of my boobs...I feel like it was moderately productive
whose parrot is this?
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How bad would it be to ask my maintenance man for new blinds because the dude puked on those too?
I don't know. I wanna do you but I also want a cheeseburger.
I got really adventurous too. Like. Balls in the mouth adventurous.
He met a girl at a stop light and managed to give her his number while driving down the highway.
Woke up on my sisters couch, and it was like the start of a Terminator movie,my brother in law was passed out on the floor naked in the fetal position. We now call him Arnold. It was an epic night.
You either got a dog, or you have a boy over. I can't tell from the noises which it is.
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