i woke up, turned over, and noticed an assortment of knives stuck in my wall. i should prob stop drinking
you yelled that ur labia majora was swollen at 3 am in the dorm hallway
I'm the only kid serving jury duty. And I'm the only one who may walk out of here in handcuffs for a warrant. I'm enabling these people to doubt America's youth once again.
The only requirement is that his name is Kevin... All other factors don't matter to drunk me. Drunk me likey Kevins.
I resisted the temptation to hold the cake in one hand to alternate bites with the ruffles I was eating. I decided that might make me look dysfunctional.
Mom and I are both drunk and walking around the Strip. It's like the hangover but with a lot more bathroom breaks.
If your find a 12 pack on your doorstep consider it a gentleman's agreement to never speak of that night again
I went to the bar without a bra on pretty sure you can go to Taco Bell drive thru with no pants
Okay Im still jerking off but now with the Reality of Law School Looming In The Distance
I had to join a gym to keep up with this 22 yr old
Sorry I banged your sister. But in my defense you ain't fucked me in a month. In fact I should get a medal for keeping it in your family.
The last time I saw you you got angry and yelled "WHISKEY DOESNT COUNT" ... I think that's at least a 7 on the hotmess scale.
I knew the bike rally would be fun when I saw "male pole dancing" on the schedule
He ate me out on a washing machine in the 24 hour laundromat. Whoever watches that security camera footage is getting a show!
Same way I cope with everything else. With dildos, dunkin and depeche mode
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