she didnt even puke last nite, shes finally hit champion status. i think im in love
i an so hammered right now. I'm about to pass out but i just found the lion king dvd and i'm so happy words don't even describe.
I'm gonna name my first kid mufasa regardless if It's a boy or girl
I want you to know that after i type the word "your" vagina is next on my predictive tex
the guy at the pet shop just had an eye seizure while looking at my chest
This is drunk me apologizing to sober me in advance.. I am sprry about you're trashed house. Mom an dad will be home by 5 so get up and clean. P.s. Mike is in the closet passed out.
how are you gonna miss the world cup? other than the olympics it's our last way to assert our dominance over China after this economic bull shit
You pretended to pelvic thrust my mother on the boat while my 92 year old grandmother looked on. Thanks.
The cop let me finish my J before he cuffed me. Coolest arresting officer ever.
FYI, announcing your arrival at jail with "Hi,yes, I'm checking in? I believe I've reserved a bed, a 2 night stay this weekend?" is, in fact, frowned upon
Is it OK to disqualify a potential therapist if she lists 50 Shades of Gray as her favorite book? Or is that a good thing?
The only alcohol at my aunts was mikes hard so I drank 9 of them and puked in the master bath
He meowed while sucking on my nipple, it got even weirder when he said he was trying to moo.
I'm pretty sure my munchies are the only reason Good and Plenty is still around
you're not celebrating your 21st birthday right unless you give a male stripper a hand job, flash the bartender, and win a free vibrator.
My FIANCE just told me he thought you were the prettiest out of all my friends YOU WHORE
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