i just saw my boxers from 2 days ago stuck in a tree 4 miles from my house
Soooo billy mays was on coke. I'm about as shocked as I was when Clay Aiken came out
phone sex would be way better if there was an app for that...
so why are there three stressed gay men and a bowl of vomit in the smoke room?
He left his shoes, boxers and socks at my house & managed to walk home to his dorm without realizing anything was missing until 3 days after. That's the last time i'll ever hook up with a freshman.
the intervention consisted of my aunt taking me to chuck-e-cheezs and telling me that this was my future - either as a mom or as a waitress - unless i stopped fucking around.
did she buy you pizza?
While all the other girls were trying to out skut the next, Cameron was just doing cartwheels around the bar. I think she's the only one who got laid.
He went out to smoke and when he came back I was still in the same spot naked and unable to breathe.
All I could say was, "ladies and gentlemen, THIS is why I drive 30 mins"
He went to cum on my stomach and somehow it got behind my ear. He's like a fucking jizz Houdini.
Hey sorry about last night. can I come pick up my tooth?
The cops spotted my on my walk of shame down the boardwalk and gave me a ride home. I'm starting to make a name for myself here.
I'm literally in my bed still trying to find the energy to take my corset off so I can binge eat oreos
He had a cruise ship of a dick and I need to set sail on that ocean again
Happy hour crawl turned into power happy hour turned into tequila shots turned into I'm drunk in class on Cinco de Mayo at 7 am.
I'm so gassy and it's your fault.
Randomize
