The solution to mudbutt is never ever Clorox wipes. It stings soooooooo bad.
He used my blackberry to make a voice recording of me orgasming, then set it as my ringtone while I was sleeping. I discovered this during a staff meeting this morning.
im never drinking wine from a person in a wet suit and goggles ever again.
I've come to realize sober is a rare time of the day.
I will never in my life forget you letting the cat lick your tongue
What the fuck is wrong with your family? Why do you have unfrosted pop tarts.
I put ketchup in a girls hair last night. I need a sorry balloon
Turns out the dorm toilet can't take a punch. Gonna be a long year without Mexican food.
As if I didn't already know that I was in the friend zone, our conversation that included the words "kiddo" and "old friend" really was a knee biter.
The contents of my fridge consist of alcohol, Nuva ring, and cheesecake. I'm that girl.
We do have a rich storied history of emotional warfare
I feel like a grown up and it scares me so I'm hiding out in the bathroom stall and messaging you
also, I think I lit my hair on fire when I got home..
I wasn't that drunk.
You were calling my cat 'Simba' and holding him up in the air.
I couldn't find my contact solution so I thought mixing toothpaste and water would work
Randomize
