I took Valium worth by frank. I squabble
Li shadha you vin. It's phot out. I just ate a fried Oreo
I just pulled a feather out of my vagina.
I am not joking.
I'm not sure what happened last night, but my turtle seems afraid of me.
Holy shit. This 2 year old just told me her nipples were for her boyfriend. Hello future leaders of america
Drug-sniffing dog walked past me and my suitcase in the train station. My opinion: they need a new dog
and lets be real... who can blow a middle school class's sunday school teacher and keep a straight face ever again? NOBODY.
you had me at cake vodka
Oh my god there's only so much masturbating one can do before one wants to fucking cry
How do I ask where the Jello shot cups are at Walmart without sounding like white trash?
If she "comes out" to me I guess I'll high five her. That's pretty much my response to everything these days.
We single women of America need to make America great again by refusing to fuck anyone who supports Trump.
Is offering to blow your HR rep considered an ethics violation?
Yeah last night got weird fast. No lie, a kid pulled a butt-plug with a tail out of his ass.
My dad accidentally texted me asking if I had weed...
Maybe you should say yes, and you guys can like bond or something...
It still amazes me Mike had to have neck surgery after eating me out so much.
Randomize
