I'm sorry, but there's just something about mesh over nipples that irks me.
My mom just told me that the key to a successful marriage is never seeing your partner take a shit.
Have u ever been so drunk that pissing urself felt like a better idea than walking to the bathroom? I entered those waters last night
Now I have to picture Dave Letterman having sex with all these women. Im the real victim.
the nurse was shocked when I handed her a cup of green piss. what did she expect giving me a drug test on st. patty's day?
id like to point out that while i was just peeing a condom fell out of my vag.
ok so hold on... from what i hear... thank you... i'm sorry... and your welcome.
Opened my wallet to find a slice of ham with a phone number written on it in sharpie.
Who was the girl that woke me up at 4am to tell me "there's an emergency, we need you to come smoke weed"
I'm laying in bed listening to Purple Rain on repeat. If you wanna bone, come up, but if not, at least Prince understands me.
Well, our assistant supervisor caught us on the back stairs...he invited us on a double date with his fiance and him. I guess our job approves of the relationship?
She's like the sister I never had that I want to bang.
you put your dick on my shoulder this morning like it was a fucking parrot
i had to flash a cab last night.
did it work?
No. he slowed down but then kept going. story of my life.
Fuck this virus. We’re finally back on campus but the bars suck parties are banned sports are canceled we eat in our rooms and can’t fucking hangout with anyone. I’m tired of virtual classes and involuntary celibacy
OMG IKR! It’s not college unless we’re puking in a toilet wondering if we’re pregnant or just hungover!
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